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Love Returned: The Human Need


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FitnessSome Tarot learning on the subject of romance. As a Tarot practitioner, one of the commonest plights I encounter is of someone who loves another more than the other person seems to love them. Much heartburn is produced over this simple case of inequality. �How do I make her/him love me more?� �How can I awaken her/his interest?� �Can�t he or she see how much I care about him or her?� These are some of the anguished questions people routinely ask.As part of my Tarot reading, it is my job to encourage such troubled seekers of love. But the truth is, the lessons relating to love are difficult and lifelong � every time you feel you have mastered one, another challenge comes up to shake you out of complacency. One of the first and foremost of these findings is:
You cannot make anyone else love you. You can only love yourself. 

This may seem like a really silly and selfish assertion. But it is the truth. No amount of persuasion, hard work and effort can convince another person to love you, if they do not feel an answering spark to your own passion. Love is either naturally felt, or not at all. There are instances where people begin to appreciate another person whom they have known nearly all their lives without realizing what good qualities the person has. But this involves a slow process of maturation, of becoming more grateful for many things that life has brought. When people are agonizing about why somebody does not love them back, they rarely have time to wait for such a long process of appreciation.

Besides, our frantic need to be loved often stems from an inner anxiety � are we worth being loved at all? The second part of the above statement addresses this fundamental question. When we begin to know ourselves a lot better, when we become forgiving about our own failings and understanding about our strengths, when we are not constantly judging ourselves as failures, then it becomes easier for other people too, to appreciate our finer points. Becoming more lovable to others means becoming more at ease with yourself.

Don�t always be searching for someone to love. Be grateful for the ability to love.

This is for those die-hard romantics who have their hearts broken more than once in their lifetime. Some of these resilient souls visit me several times a year � each time they are either recovering from a relationship that looked promising but petered out, or anxious about making progress in a relationship that just has to be the best and last one.

When relationships regularly go bust, such people find it hard to accept that life seemingly has dust and ashes written for them. �I am so full of love. Why don�t I find a soul mate at whom I can direct all this love?� they seem to be asking. It is hard to bring comfort to such sufferers. At the core of their question, lies a very important concern, but the answer to it is unlikely to make them instantly happy. It takes years of understanding to accept the second part of the above statement. After one�s heart has been broken by betrayal, indifference or unkindness, the fact that we can still love, trust, and accept another is a sign of our emotional health � even though it makes us seem like dummies in a worldly-wise sense. Being grateful for the ability to love means being grateful for being optimistic, trusting, and caring, rather than being cynical, clinical and cold, all in the name of being a �realist�.

Over and above the need to have a beautiful home and possessions, social prestige and status, and immortality or fame is the fundamental human need for intimacy � to be truly loved and understood by another. In our search for such intimacy, if we follow the right directions and don�t shrink from learning our lessons, we can achieve a personality that is open, unafraid, and fed by the inner springs of wisdom

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