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Fighting for Control


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Fighting for Control
On a more mundane level, when one of the partners in a relationship is a controlling type, it can put a strain on the other, and on the relationship itself.

Fighting for controlHaving things around us move in a predictable and orderly fashion is really something to be desired. After all, if things were more in control we would find it easier to be more efficient and productive, and the quality of life could improve.

Or would it?

Human relationships are definitely one area where the desire or seeking for too much control can really take away from quality and the comfort such relationships are bringing to us. Even if we are only novices on the path of getting along with others, we cannot have failed to notice how partners, friends, or colleagues and family members rarely behave in the expected manner, and in fact, keep throwing up challenges for us to overcome.

A very amusing aspect of this could be observed this morning in our home, when we went through the daily ritual of reading our horoscopes out aloud along with the morning?s cup of tea. While my horoscope forecast how I would find out today how partners can be really annoying, my husband?s forecast said that many of his actions would prove really annoying to partners! So much for predictable forecasting. If anything can be said with absolute certainty, it is that the effort of understanding and accepting other people makes us give up a lot of the hang ups we may start out with as young and headstrong individuals.

In fact, trying to establish control in a relationship is usually not about unfettered self-expression. If it was, it could be seen in a more indulgent light. Instead, it is the definite curtailing of another?s self-expression because it does not suit your idea of how things should be. Thus you have those control crazy characters who have been helped immeasurably by the ubiquitous cell phone constantly checking up on their girlfriends or boyfriends, husbands or wives, sons or daughters, or even employees at all hours of the day or night. ?Where are you??, ?Who are you with?? ?When will you come back/ minister to my needs/behave in a more seemly fashion?? are the questions that such people ask.

Control, possessiveness, and the stifling effect of placing too much emphasis on money, sex, and physical beauty, is represented in the Tarot by ?The Devil? card. When we attempt to control life and make it move in a direction entirely visualized and predicted by us, we are moving into a realm that sees our own efforts and desires as far superior and more important than what God can dish out. This is one of the illusions of the Devil. When such a card appears in a reading, people would do well to examine their own motives and maneuvers in a situation. Of course, the Devil card can also refer to an extremely difficult situation pressing on an individual and leaving him or her little room for choice.

On a more mundane level, when one of the partners in a relationship is a controlling type, it can put a strain on the other, and on the relationship itself. While most people put up with such a thing for some time, and women in fact, for years, (consider women who do not step out of the house out of fear of what husband or in laws would say, twenty five years after Shaadi!) the ultimate effect of control, domination and possessiveness on a relationship is wearing in the extreme. Affection dries up, patience wears thin, the partner who has to put up with possessive behaviour begins to have fantasies about running away!

If there is any control you have to exercise in approaching your special relationship, remember to exercise it in controlling your own need for possessing and directing another. Tackling our own insecurities, examining why we need to feel that a relationship or person is proceeding in the manner we want it to go, is very important in being able to become less control-crazy.

Freeing people and relationships from the control of our desires actually allows the breeze of love and affection to blow more freely, bringing greater satisfaction to all.

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