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Mother Man Wife Sandwich

7 Votes | Average: 4.29 out of 57 Votes | Average: 4.29 out of 57 Votes | Average: 4.29 out of 57 Votes | Average: 4.29 out of 57 Votes | Average: 4.29 out of 5 (7 votes, average: 4.29 out of 5)
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One wrong move or one incorrect statement can be a grudge for a lifetime.
Woes of a married woman have always been a subject of interest. She buries her past, leaves her parents and family behind to go and spend the rest of her life with people who were until sometime back perfect strangers.

She has to learn theirs ways, adapt to their lifestyle, eat and drink and think and breathe like them. And constantly nagging in-laws are icing on the cake. To sum up, a married woman’s life is synonymous to sacrifices. At least that is what has always been perceived and so melodramatically depicted in our television serials and family films. Women, women everywhere and then they say it’s a man’s world! But on a serious note what about the married men? If life is bitter for a woman, it’s no better for a man. On second thoughts, it’s tougher for him. After all it is he who has to balance the two strong forces, the two most important women in his life. He is the peacemaker between his mother and wife. Now that makes for a perfect sandwich.

One wrong move or one incorrect statement can be a grudge for a lifetime. The guilt that torments him every time he sides with one, its hard for him to make anyone understand and even harder to endure it all silently. A feeling that after a hard day’s work he is back home to sort problems that are practically not his can be depressing.

Cut throat competition at work place, the pressure of staying ahead, the financial strain, the exhaustion for commuting and the collective exertion all these factors together cause, are inexplicable. The domestic conflict only adds to it. A wife, who can be set grumbling and cursing the entire day, sometimes for days to come at the mere mention of his mother. A mother who has never had enough time to ask about his well-being but has all the time in the world to tell him how incapable and obstinate his wife is and how lucky her relatives and neighbours are to be blessed with a good daughter-in-law. Any effort to defend any one of them makes things worse. The degree could vary from person to person, but the situation does exist in almost every married man’s life.

Even the distinguished names that recur on the journals and television channels endorse the thought. News anchor Ajay Kumar exclaimed, “Thank God somebody thought of it!” Laughs. “Actually men have this psyche that if they side with their wives, it will not be well taken by his family. Especially his mother and sister, no matter who is at fault. He is afraid of being perceived as henpecked. It’s a tough situation,” says the anchor thoughtfully. Quizzed if diplomacy should be put to use, news anchor Ajay Kumar replied good humouredly, “Diplomacy and tact are a woman’s forte. Men are simple and straightforward beings. Besides it is such a tricky situation where both are as important and the phenomenon is continuous, so diplomacy does not always work”. So that would mean that a man has little option but to face it bravely. Be a martyr to a cause that has nothing to offer to anyone concerned. Will any one of the two women in his life ever understand his dilemma, evaluate his situation? Will a man ever see a day when he does not have to make that difficult choice between his two leading ladies?

Let’s see what actor Irfan Khan has to say to this. “It depends on the equation a man shares with his mother or wife. Anyone of them getting too possessive could mean trouble. It is indeed a difficult situation. It just reflects the unfulfilling life they have had and so they are always up to making other’s unhappy, other’s life miserable. Such people are best ignored. But they being the mother and the wife are also difficult to ignore. But then that again depends on the equation of the man with the two women in question,” says the ace actor. So, not a good equation with any one of them would mean it would be easy to ignore her. A bad equation with both would mean all that a man could ask for. But on the other side, an empathy with any one of the two would imply understanding, a soul mate, a confidant, and a friend. And what would a good equation with both the women lead to? That would mean eternal bliss. Simple, a friend’s friend is a friend. But the most important question is that is there any man born with that kind of luck?

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Responses to Mother Man Wife Sandwich

  1. 1 sara

    Its a good article….looking at a situation from different angle,

    but one adjustment…

    in todays world women are also are working, they have pressures at work and they have tired evening when they come home after exhausted evening…

    and her tolerance limit is too low now…to hear about how sweet other daughter in laws are….

    if they are sweet means her mother in laws are also sweet…

  2. 2 guy

    Just like office politics, there is home politics. Tell some nice words to mom as though your wife says (when she hasn’t said it) and same to your wife as though your mom said it. When faced with such situation, do not answer(take a decision) when both are around. Take mom to a side and tell her that she was right and do the same with wife.

    Divert their attention to a different issue.

    Second way to get around is to have inviate a common enemy (irritator) preferably someone like a distant relative (or a neighbour) who nags you. Invite the person to be at home with you repeatedly. Mom and wife will unite against this person and that person becomes the topic of discussion for mom and wife (you will be spared :)).

    Always have an issue (false ofcourse) in hand. Keep telling them that your job is under threat, there is big pressure at work etc (make it look big and alarming). This ensures a much silent home..

    It is somewhat not ethical , but it works and ensures peace at home.. (complex issue like women jealousy need complex solutions :))

  3. 3 PIYUSH

    It’s a nice article on a less chewing (and many a times ’silent’) topic for married men especially living with thier parents.

    I appreciate the ‘diplomatic’ solution given by the ‘guy’.

    But I have a question: Why shoudn’t we cut the root of the problem rather than employing diplomacy ?

    Has any one such experience or knowledge or story of making ’saas’ & ‘bahu’ relation a sweeter one! ??

    Despite of the fact that “Saas-Bahu” relation’s bitterness is well known…why the both in-laws (Mother & Daughter) do not do anything to avoid bitterness in their relation? the ego-clash, etc. (after all it affects not only the sandwiched man but the whole family in one or other way; directly or indirectly)

  4. 4 mary

    Hey, you know what? This is such bullshit. When a man leaves home, he gives up his attachment to Mommy and goes to his wife. End of story. His loyalty is to his wife, not to his mother. The mother should understand this.

  5. 5 shanki

    hey this article is good.. women are really sufferings this much….

  6. 6 Jani

    This is really a nice article as it matches the exact events and circumstances I have this week. I’m so feeling down and low now as my wife had a bitter argument with my mom who has been taken care of my 4 months old baby since birth. I can’t explain to you all as I listen to my mom crying over the phone, pouring her frustrations and pains out to me, and I guess most of you cannot and won’t be able to understand how some men have the same predicament like I have now. All I was hoping for was a harmonious sweet loving relationship between my mom and wife, but I guess that will all be just a dream. I can end this marriage, but I’m just thinking about the baby’s welfare, and I will be to selfish If I did, I know that’s what most of you will say…

  7. 7 amruta

    Its a nice article..
    Whenever I’m fussed up becoz of my MIL’s habits, my husband tells me the same thing, “think abt me even tough I agree with u, but I can’t do much abt it. She is my mother after all and u can’t change a persons habits.”
    I understand his point of view abt struggling to a be a good son as well as a good husband, but there is one thing that a husband should also understand i.e. sometimes women are frustrated as they don’ thave anyone listening to thier problems and its enough to provide a good listening ear to issues so that the frustrations are just vented out.

  8. 8 Manjeeta

    I totally agree with you all. This relation of saas and bahu is a very funny one. All MILs should realize that if they keep their DIL happy and make her feel cared for, appreciated for, she would go an extra mile to take care of them when they are old when they are not able to handle themselves and household.
    If all DILs always feel neglected, how will they feel like caring for them at time of need?

  9. 9 Manjeeta


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