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The Fairytale Hangover

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Blame it on the fairytales we were told as children. The ones that spoke of princesses marrying princes, and then living ‘…happily ever after’. Perhaps it is this conditioning that makes us so convinced about the need for eternal happiness with our partner. However, it would be unfair to think that such a need is only the product of conditioning. Each one of us does need to feel that life will be secure and comfortable with our loved one, that we will continue to receive the understanding and support and love that we have always wanted from them…Stability, intimacy and trust, these are non-negotiable human needs.

In more mundane terms this works out to people seeking a guarantee of future happiness. Will I be happy ever after with …is the question in most youthful lovers’ minds. What a great thing if all these could be answered with a resounding ‘Yes’! But the truth is, that in most lives, there will be some episodes of heartbreak, some unsatisfactory endings, before we find the partner perfect for the happy ending.

Moreover, even after we have found the perfect partner, we still have our work cut out for us, ensuring the understanding and intimacy we seek. Relationships between spouses, more than any other kind, are susceptible to the ‘taken for granted’ syndrome. When we begin to feel so secure and unshakable, that our partner loves us so much that nothing could ever go wrong, that any kind of behaviour on our part is acceptable to our spouse, then we could actually be in big trouble!

The need for a fairy tale ‘ever after’ type of relationship right at the beginning in a man-woman equation also means an unwillingness to take any risks. What a person seems to want is an assurance that he or she will never get hurt or disappointed. But the truth is that negotiating all this and more is finally what leads you to a better understanding of yourself, your partner, and life. How can all this be achieved by putting nothing at stake?

If you are tempted to seek an ‘ever after’ guarantee in your own relationship just consider the following:

· Is the biggest obstacle standing between you and happiness in your relationship your own fear, rather than any shortcomings in your partner?
· Do guarantees in any sphere of life really work in a foolproof manner? This includes business and all those things that stop working around your home!
· By emphasizing doubts, uncertainty, and worries right at the beginning, are you getting the best out of your partner?
· Can you replace such doubts, uncertainty and anxiety with trust and love, and see better results?
· Are you seeking an ‘ever after’ ending for your relationship to compensate for other disappointments, such as troubled relationships with family or friends?
· If so, is it really fair to put so much burden on a single tie? Yes, receiving the love and trust you need in this particular tie will help to ease the pain of others. But that expectation should not be your starting point.

If you are teetering on the edge of commitment waiting for a sign or green light from some divine power that guarantees your happiness, wait no longer. The power to be happy in your relationship rests with you, as does the responsibility!

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Responses to The Fairytale Hangover

  1. 1 suryakant

    This is a fine & interesting story

  2. 2 ANUJ

    it will be a good experience………….

  3. 3 Sujith

    I would say that both happiness and sadness are required to balance out life. After all, u wldnt cherish light without darkness, would you?

  4. 4 mamta

    it is important that both the partners are adequately contented in a relationship.if both are content love is not in the driving seat,rather it really doesnot matter much.

    if H and W donot love each other but are contented , it is OK. But loving someone else will put them in trouble.

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