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5 Common Threats to Romance

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While there are many ways to rekindle romance, there are some things we do that are serious threats to the continuation of full-fledged intimacy. Being aware of these can work to keep you determined not to let them affect your relationship. See if you have encountered these and resist them if you haven’t.

1. Cataloguing Faults. If one partner in a relationship has a genius for remembering when things last went wrong, and whose fault it was, things can get very sticky very often. This is especially when the memory operates powerfully regardless of the passage of years. It is frustrating enough to be reminded about one’s real or imagined faults the first time. When this is treated as fresh and updated evidence of a lifelong failing, and instances of this fault are remembered by citing things that happened years ago, it can lead to very explosive situations. The key to keeping your partner in good humour is having a short and edited memory of what went wrong.

2. Confusing Justice With Marriage. With the best intentions in the world, most of us will find ourselves in the wrong at least once in a while. By the same token, we may also be occasionally right, with our partner insisting on the exact opposite as the truth. At such times, the red bulb really does light up inside our heads. It is difficult to keep one’s temper, particularly if one is convinced that what we are fighting to prove is an important point of justice. At such times, it is important to remember that intimate relationships are not a court of law.

3. Communication Faultlines. Improving communication is what most experts recommend as the key to success in relationships. But this does not mean talking a blue streak around your partner when he or she is not in a mood to receive what you are saying. When you have something important to say, look for the best time to say it, when it is most appropriate in the situation without seeming hurtful to anyone, or when your partner seems most likely to hear it.

4. Habits That Hurt. When habits are acquired in carefree youth, people rarely pause to think what a long term impact these could have on their relationships, leave alone health. But more than the physical damage that dependent habits like smoking and drinking cause, it is more difficult to manage the way they affect our relationships. For instance, a couple can go to a film, and the interval may find one rushing to smoke in the outside lobby, while the other sits resentfully, wishing her boyfriend/husband was like that nice man in the next row coming walking down the aisle, balancing buttered popcorn and a soft drink for his girlfriend. Later, the costs associated with such habits, and the changed behaviour they bring about create a great deal of tension in marriage and family.

5. Uneven Personal Growth. This is one of the most difficult handicaps to overcome but it can also be negotiated with enough understanding on the part of the more mature partner. Broadly, it relates to the search for what one is meant to do, what one is good at, and what one wants to learn. For some, this is a passion, and they are engaged in a ceaseless effort to grow. For others, just being who they are seems to be enough at any point. This can lead to a great impatience on the part of the more seeking person. Why doesn’t this wife/husband of mine want more? is the fundamental cry that may arise in this person’s heart. Matching growth and expectation levels with our partner can be very difficult and is the basis for long-term incompatibility. But even this can be worked at with more acceptance, and a recognition of the best qualities in the other person.

All these common threats have the cumulative effect of destroying our best feelings for each other. Its up to us to be able to effectively resist and remove these from the contours of our most intimate relationships.


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