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Life Beyond: The Lessons of Rejection

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In my Tarot practice I do a fair bit of bandaging of broken hearts. It is inevitable that people should meet with some rejection along the journey of love. Such rejection, and the pain it causes, do make for a time when a person is likely to seek some outside help. When repeated rejection has become a pattern in someone’s life, he or she comes to ask the anguished question, ‘Why does this always happen to me?The truth is, all relationships are finally only a way for us to get to know ourselves better. That is, the search for meaning in one’s life is the larger question, and what happens in one’s relationships is the sub question. ‘I am such a giving person – I have never held back in any of my relationships, yet the women I have been with end up leaving me…’ or ‘I don’t know what it is about me that makes all the relationships I have had turn to nothing inside of six months…’ these are some of the feelings expressed after a break up where a person feels rejected.

Rejection is a state experienced by a person when they want to continue with a relationship, and their partner decides against it. While the partner who is withdrawing may put forth their decision with utmost logic, it usually takes the other half of the relationship a lot of time to catch up, at least on the level of emotions. ‘Getting over’ someone who has left you is a task fraught with difficulty and pain, but if you want to create healthier relationships in the future, it must be done.

Here’s a laundry list of things that can help in the process of dealing with rejection:

· Examine all the things your partner cited as the reasons for moving on. Do these have the ring of truth about them? Is there something you need to change about yourself, in order to become more open to love and the responsibility it brings? Or, do the facts cited tell you something about your ex-partner’s own limitations?

· Think of all the things that first attracted you to your partner. Did these qualities help to encourage you and make you happy, or did they put your own special, unique ideas and feelings under a cloud? Often, rejection is a result of our having fallen in love with someone quite unsuitable. Remember, the most enduring relationship does not depend on the person you are with, but the person you are when you are with that person. If this lesson is learned correctly, it will prevent you from falling in love yet again with the same type of unsuitable person.

· Recovering lost self-esteem and confidence is the biggest lesson post-rejection. Handle yourself the way you would as if you were a tender, newborn baby. Stay with the people, activities and places that make you happy. Try not to take personally all the criticisms and accusations your ex-partner may have leveled at you before leaving. Can you be as bad as all that? Of course not! You know yourself what you are, and what you are capable of, so reinforce these positive feelings.

· Take time to breathe freely, walk tall and straight, and experience the lightness that also accompanies the release from a relationship. There is no need to immediately rush into another tie. Freedom is something we forget to savour when we have it, then yearn for when we don’t!

Life gets better when we have learned the right lessons from any experience. While rejection by another may seem like one of the most painful and bitter lessons one has to learn in life, one day this too is bound to seem like a blessing.


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Responses to Life Beyond: The Lessons of Rejection

  1. 1 Sankara

    Good one thanks. Although I guess it is sometimes difficult to completely figure out what went wrong or how it went wrong, your article gives very good tips on overcoming rejection. Particularly your advise to turn inward and look at oneself!

  2. 2 Maithili


    I really love the article.I myself have gone through breakup.I broke with my guy after 7 years of relationship & i often use to feel sad and lonely about it.I use to curse myself a lot, but everything in vain and nothing happened, on the contrary i use to feel depress and frustuate with life. Maybe now i might started looking at things in a different perspective.

  3. 3 Atul Mulay

    ok the relations r formed to broke.
    The last limit is death.
    I do not know I am going to break with u or u with me.
    I am going first or u.

    Every life cycle is like birth - groth - stability & again decline & death .It is also with your love. It is applicable to every product ,business ,thaught,every natural things.
    Think on it.

    My Matrimony ID is (R208230) - Atul Shreeram Mulay.
    Your feedback is appriciated

  4. 4 ginni

    Often, rejection is a result of our having fallen in love with someone quite unsuitable. these are the lines I liked most.Some times we have one sided feelings and when other person dont reciprocate it we take it as rejection. We should understand that it s not necessary that each and every person we like is going to like us in return !!!! If we will keep on piling ourselves on him/her he she is certain to stay away from us and then we will cry foul and term it as rejection……So just beware…. before terming it as rejection introspect yourself……dont blame the other one its you only to blame ……….

  5. 5 ruchi

    its idiotic to even think about person who does not care about u, n leave you like that.
    dont waste time on waste people, i liked one person but he doesnot liked me. so i moved on.
    spemd time on ppl who cares about u so you feel good

  6. 6 richa

    don’t know what to call this state of mine, rejection or helplessness. My guy is braking with me saying his parents not accepting me as i belong to different cast and they are very orthdox. He is ready to marry some one else but not go against his parents wish. He says he himself is feeling very sad to do this but is doing all this for his parents sake! i don’t know what to say!!! may be i fell in love with a wrong person!

  7. 7 scharada bail

    Sometimes, hard though it seems, things are working out for the best, even when they are going against us. If a guy is unable to have the strength of mind to stand up for you before marriage, is he really worth the time and trouble? Don’t compromise your dignity. Have a good cry and try to get him out of your system. If he wants to come crawling back, and promises to stand by you, then you can think again…Till then, think yourself better off, and do not let this damage your self-esteem.

    All the best!

  8. 8 romi

    Excellent article. it is the perfect article for my son at this time.

  9. 9 Sachin Rawat

    Hi friends,

    I think this article is really true and describe the real sense of a love relationships in todays commercial world. I too recently had a break up with a girl after 9 years of long bonding which includes both emotional and physical relation. Now, when i look back to those 9 years, i really think that god has saved me from a possible divorce if i would have gone forward and married that girl. Just for the sake of small needs and happiness with our partner, we tend to overlook the possible threats and problems which could occur with him/her in the future.

    Now, i think marriages are made in heaven and there is somebody somewhere waiting for you. So friends, just wait for your Mr/Ms perfect and am sure your lifes will be more pleasent and happier.

  10. 10 Udit Srivastava

    thats life…you meet one and gets attracted to another while you fall in love with the third and settle down with the fourth!be confident of yourself and never compromise your self esteem cos the person who loves you would not let that happen and the person who let your esteem getting hurt nerver loved you..rejections a part of life but dont you think that without rejections you never got to know the importance of bein accepted!

  11. 11 MItesh Vora


    I like your good impressive article of lessions of rejection.

    i belive in love and i m sure anybody stay in this world who can must be fall in love each and every moments, like nature,person etc.,
    nobody rejection by heart but rejected by body but nobody know about body make by five things of this world like aakash,vayu,jal,pruthvi,agni all things r in ourselves.

    so, i can’t believe in rejection.


    Mr. Mitesh Vora

  12. 12 Rajshree Parekh

    Hi there, it is indeed a good article………. just reminded me of these few lines

    “We make them cry who care for us,
    we cry for those who never care for us.
    and we care for those who will never cry for us!”
    this is the truth of life……..strange but true………..
    Once we realise this its never too late to change!

    take care………..there is always someone better waiting…………………

  13. 13 kanika

    I like the article.
    This gives us the fact of relationship and love.
    its true never loose ur self esteem ……
    love a person without conditions…..
    if one get rejected he/she should never blame himself.
    move on in life………it still have suprizes for you
    this article raelly teaches me :smile_wp:

  14. 14 when

    Love who you are. If you see faults within yourself - work on them - these are gift lessons in life. Be thankful that you did not end up with the wrong person. I have met one of the most insensitive people and I honestly didn’t know that he would be that way. But I was blessed to see his true colors before we got more serious with one another. The rejection by him was more painful than anything I can remember feeling. I allowed it to define me… as someone undesireable. Now I know that it is only me who can allow others to treat me the way I wish to be treated. Rise above those who are emotionaly dysfuntional. Be yourself and love yourself - no one can love you until you love yourself.

  15. 15 Now

    nice article. infact the best addin is from “when”…. thx “when”


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