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So you got dumped…

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Got Dumped?Some people bunk work, stay in bed, neglect themselves and indulge in a deluge of self pity. Others get the battle light in their eyes and launch themselves on a shopping spree to end all shopping sprees, or (if male) an orgy of workouts, leaving trails of smoke as they tear their way through the gym. Still others turn quiet, cut off from friends, become almost reclusive and touchy.

What do they have in common? They ‘got dumped’ - to put it crudely.

You can read the signs a mile away. “We realised we weren’t ready for commitment”.
“ He had some relationship issues” “She needs to work through her past”…these are all the cool cover-ups to what is really a very painful and stressful situation-breaking up. The thing about breaking up is that it is rarely an equal, two-sided business; usually there is one person being left by the other, whatever the reason. And as common as the situation is, and however much people may use the right words to make it all sound okay, the fact is, that it usually leaves the person who is being left, raw, unsure and downright ego-battered.

So you got dumped. What do you do about it?
To start with, just accepting the fact involves some serious moving on. Once you get past the anger, the tears, the denial, you end up face to face with the fact that someone didn’t love you enough to stay with you. Of course the world has around 7 billion people who don’t want to be romantically involved with you and you don’t care, but this is different – someone who fell for you, chose you, experienced a relationship with you – has decided to opt out. Ouch. But once you face the fact you are halfway there. Next step is to figure why – often people try to make others inadequate…you aren’t attentive enough, you are too hung up on your work, you are too much of a flirt, you aren’t allowing your partner enough space. Some of this could be true, but some could actually reflect the other’s inadequacies – maybe he or she has a problem handling real relationships. Once you think about it in a calm manner, you may even figure out that it wasn’t necessarily something YOU lacked; quite the contrary.

Of course the one reason that is really difficult to live with is the “other” person. If your partner fell in love with someone else, that takes some serious getting used to. It’s almost easier to handle someone dying than wanting someone else more than you. The kind of insecurity and sheer misery this can set off is amazing, and yet there is really no explanation for why this happens. Chemistry, perhaps….more in common, or some other deep level of sharing. The tough part in this is trying to move on, meet friends, be normal without having to keep bumping into your ex with his or her latest. This means changing friends, hangouts, favourite shops, concerts, the works. You  CAN do that, but you will forever have to live with the fact that you ran away. If you are smart, you will take a few lessons in acting, put on some real cool clothes, buy a new perfume, and get yourself a date to go to once of these places. Then act cool and comfortable if you can…don’t overdo the “I’m having a great time” act, just be yourself, but don’t wear your heart on your sleeve…your pals are bound to stand by you and give you as much support as you need and once you overcome your dread of meeting “them” you will actually be able to move on.

Here’s a great way to get over someone real fast. For starters, stop  remembering all the good stuff and concentrate on the bad stuff. The disaster dates, all the little things about him or her that you used to overlook but that troubled you – nasty habits, rude public behaviour, a selfish streak….you’ll be surprised at how many you’ll be able to come up with once you get started! After all, as cliched as it appears, love is rather blind and being left is an instant regaining of ones sight! Then tell yourself how well off you are without, having to witness all that for the rest of your life. Then go get yourself a new hair style, work on a better shape… acquire a new activity. Join a workshop or start tai chi, join a new club or just do something you haven’t made time for but really wanted to do. Start creating a new you that has nothing to do with the person you broke up with. In no time at all you will be enjoying yourself.

Whatever you do DON’T make the rebound mistake…make sure that anyone you go out with to get over the old love is good company and not someone you are going to fall for…remember the frying pan before you jump into the fire!! But most important of all, tell yourself as often as you need to that ‘getting dumped’ does not mean there is anything wrong with you, and you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself. IF there were aspects of your behaviour that led to the break up, either try to change, or accept yourself so that next time around you will be aware of where to tread carefully…it’s all a part of evolving. Soon enough, after the bad days and the dark nights are over, you will wake up one morning and enjoy the birdsong, and somewhere in your heart you will know that Mr or Ms Right is still out there, waiting for you to come along. Hold that thought!!

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Responses to So you got dumped...

  1. 1 Shyamal

    Is it so simple?

  2. 2 Aditi

    Yes!! How true,”getting dumped” does’nt signify that the victim is the wrong doer,bad feeling shouldn’t wrap his/her mind.
    Good read,indeed.

  3. 3 Sam

    Really good advice. I think getting dumped gives you a dangerous inferiority complex where your own mind batters you into low self esteem. I would do well to follow this advice.

  4. 4 anish

    Good one !!

  5. 5 piyush

    Very well written and does ring true. I feel getting back from this is reflective of the person u are. If u value ur self esteem u will dust urself get up and get goin ..and yeah will not get another on rebound.
    But if u have a history of getting dumped or dumping..I guess u need a shrink..

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