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Who does the chasing?

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First moveNina is bright, talented, a little shy and withdrawn..doesn’t send out any big-time signals to guys – her upbringing never encouraged such behaviour. Yet she never seems to lack for male admirers, and in fact quite a few guys are interested in her.

Maya is vivacious, very extroverted, almost aggressive in getting what she wants, and she isn’t bogged down by such “old fashioned” fuddy duddy ideas about the guy-girl thing. When she is interested, she shows it. And she also has a lot of guys around her. But somehow, Maya always ends up getting hurt. Suddenly guys who were around her like moths flutter away to other candles, and make a whole lot of excuses for not sticking around.

What’s the verdict? Try conducting your own private research with a cross section of guys – if they are honest, they will admit they like outgoing girls who don’t act too shy, and most guys say they don’t have a problem with girls doing the chasing. Sure, which guy would have a problem with that?! But if you get down to it, you will probably get most guys to admit that they find aggressive pursuit in a woman exciting – but not on a long-term basis. A woman who needs to chase guys is ultimately perceived as “desperate” whether or not she is. And there is no escaping the fact that the male of the species has still got the remnants of his ancestors’ tendencies (we’re talking Neanderthal man here!)– they like to hunt down their women!! The more of a challenge the better – great for their egos when they finally get her! It works in reverse for the “available” woman – initially it boosts a man’s confidence immensely to have an attractive woman pursue him – but after a while he starts taking her for granted and shunning her overtures.

Of course I could be wrong – go ahead and do your own study, I’ll be delighted to see the results.I strongly suspect that guys like to do the chasing – and women who are hard to get, get the guys!!! Look at Betty and Veronica. If ever there was a classic example that is it!!!
All through my teens I wondered why Betty’s creators were so sadistic and never allowed her to play the femme fatale, mysterious-for-a-change role when we all know Archie would have fallen like a ton of bricks.

Look at Pretty Woman…if the woman Julia Roberts played had AGREED to the tycoon’s proposal to start a relationship with him (as a “kept” woman) that’s all she would have been – and after a while he would no longer have kept her! But smart girl that she was, she said no and disappeared – and that’s how she got her man!! For keeps too !!!
But let’s see what a group of young people had to say on the subject:

Shruti: I definitely think it’s outdated for women to be all  silent and wait for the guy to make the first move. Of course only a dumb female will not be able to tell if a guy is interested or not. If he is, drop hints, give him a nudge, or ask him out!!

Farhaad: Guys like to make the first move. If the women do it, the guy feels like a chicken. I don’t like women to be too obvious.

Arjun: Hey, if I like a babe, it’s okay if she makes the moves! Makes me feel kind of nice! Good for the ego, know what I mean?

Kishen: Somehow women who come on strong are less attractive to me. I prefer a little more mystery than that.

Nasser: You have to leave it to the guy…once an equation is established, it’s nice for women to set the pace sometimes.

Sunil: I think that when two people are secure about who they are, and the attraction is mutual, it really doesn’t matter who makes the first move. It all depends on the moment and the circumstances!
Okay, granted, times have changed!  But I still think women are best off being a little reticent…what do you have to lose? If the guy is interested, you aren’t going to lose him. If he isn’t you aren’t going to make a fool of yourself. Maybe today’s young women are a little lost – especially here in India, where we are discovering freedom thanks to television, globalisation, call centre salaries and exposure to so many outside influences. There are many young girls who think they must play the game, act cool, behave very worldly….many of them end up hurt and disillusioned. The good old values we used to follow still stand like pillars – you can of course adapt them to suit the times….but the rules never change. Men will be men, wanting what’s difficult to have, discarding what comes easy…and it’s time women were women again. Which means……pick up your skirts, girls, and start running away from the guy you want to catch you!!!

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