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Three can be company too

8 Votes | Average: 4.75 out of 58 Votes | Average: 4.75 out of 58 Votes | Average: 4.75 out of 58 Votes | Average: 4.75 out of 58 Votes | Average: 4.75 out of 5 (8 votes, average: 4.75 out of 5)
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Three can be company tooA friend of mine and I were discussing marriage before and after the kids come when she jokingly quoted this “marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything in the house.” And between peals of laughter she said just substitute marrying a man with having children.

Then sobering down she said though I love my kids dearly and I think they’re one of the nicest things that has happened to us, yet sometimes I feel my relationship with my husband during their growing up years need not have changed.

It seemed that overnight we had been transformed into two very responsible people (which we were anyway) whose only mission in life was to look after the well being of the new born. Our life as a couple was kind of shelved.

Well, that story might ring familiar. But, not everybody agrees. Nisha says, “I think bringing up the kids actually helped us to bond better. From being just lovers we became partners in life.” Others have said that parenthood has added a new dimension to their relationship.

No matter what is your view on parenthood and marriage, I am sure you will agree that having or not having a child should be a joint decision of both parents. However, in some cases it is observed that women insist on having a baby when their partners are not ready for it. This situation can prove to be fairly fatal. The husband may have less acceptance for the child in some cases. While in some cases he might exhibit irrational behaviour.

The needs of recreational companionship and sexual fulfillment remain unattended to for a long while when bringing up the children. This sometimes leads to the creation of an unwelcome distance between couples. Sometimes we forget that we have a commitment to each other. Family commitments gain priority.

Let’s take the case of Sangita and Ashish. They have been married for about three years and she has just given birth to her son. Ashish is a wonderful father helping at every step to take proper care of their pre-mature child. Every time he does that he scores a huge amount of love points as far as his wife is concerned. But, he looses all the points he has scored when he fails to meet her emotional needs. This often happens because couples fail to find a way of handling their new responsibility effectively without neglecting their commitment to each other.

Though we know how important a role sex plays in a marital relationship and sex falls under the “use it or loose it” category. It is normal to find couples who have not resumed their sexual life even six months after childbirth. This is not unnatural. However, doctors advise that it is a good idea to make conscious efforts to resume this. As prolonged sexual inactivity sometimes makes it more difficult for couples to resume their sex life.

Here are some time-tested formulas from real life people.

1.It is sad that the joint family system is a rare phenomenon. So, the stress of parenting has to be shared between the parents. But, thankfully there is the availability of trained ayahs and babysitters. If you can’t or don’t want to employ one on a regular basis, tt might be a good idea to hire the services of one or the other occasionally. This will help you to find a little time for yourselves. Since the child is in good hands you won’t be anxious about its well-being.

2.Make sure you do at least some of the things (that was a part of your daily lives before the arrival of the baby) together.

For instance, have your meals together.

3.Find time to talk to each other. If you feel finding time to do this is impossible with the various things one needs to do when there is a baby in the house, call each other at the workplace. Remember. This is an emergency!

4.Don’t just limit those kisses and hugs to the kids. Include your spouse.

5.Sometimes after marriage and very often after childbirth people become very careless about their appearances. Many doctors say men often find this a little “putting off.” So, it is a good idea to take care of appearances.

It helps to remember that marital happiness is centered around the couple doing things to make their lives together successful.They should care for each other and exhibit little gestures of love. They should work conciously at blocking out all the reasons that couples might have for not feeling like loving and instead remind themselves of reasons that help them realise that they love each other. Make your marriage a full-time priority.

The baby shouldn’t be more important than the relationship. Most importantly the environment at home should say “I really love you and I know you love me no matter what.”

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Responses to Three can be company too

  1. 1 preeti

    I agree completely that couples are distanced as it happened with me. I was at my parents after child birth and though disnesh called up fairly regularly. How’s the baby was al he seemed to want to know. This would upsset me so one day when he came over I asked him. ANd he said he knew that I was doing fine so it didin’t occur to him to ask.

  2. 2 Manohar

    Actually, women to a large extent are responsible for the couple life going for a toss after childbirth. At least I can say that in my case everytime I even suggested doing something where the baby would be in somebody else’s care for a few hours my wife would look as if I had just committed blasphemy.

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