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10 Traits Very Difficult to Live With

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10 traits very difficult to live withNo one can drive us up the wall quite as efficiently as our partners! It is because we live in such close proximity to our spouses that the potential to rub each other the wrong way is ever present. We have compiled a list of seriously annoying habits that could endanger your nest.

  • Leaving wet towels on the bed, on sofa cushions, or similarly absorbent places, has to be a very important part of this list. This is so because the partner who is left to pick up after the towel-leaving one may begin to harbour very dark thoughts about his or her partner over the years! There are similar habits of personal hygiene/sharing space with others that become major irritants if we do not make the effort to grow out of them – from not flushing properly after using the toilet, to leaving all the lights and fans on always…and many others.
  • Having the lights on, and watching late night TV in the same room where your partner is sleeping, or trying to sleep. While this does not apply to apartments with enough space to accommodate sleeping and TV separately, it does apply to generally inconsiderate behaviour when someone is trying to get their quota of shut-eye.
  • Making jokes about your partner in the presence of friends, office colleagues, relatives or strangers. No one can argue with a good sense of humour – but be especially sensitive about whether your partner feels equally sporting about your jokes, or is having some inner nerve stepped upon.
  • General statements of condemnation, repeated often enough in different contexts, are really harmful and destructive to a relationship. This can be especially painful if they impact your partner in any fundamental sense. Suppose you are used to cribbing about North Indians, and your wife grew up in Delhi, or like to say ‘All men’ or ‘All women’ have certain bad qualities, you never know how much you are really getting another person’s goat. Wanting to irritate a partner is sometimes part of the spice of marriage, but then, do be prepared for eventual revenge!
  • Foisting a new friend, relative, or acquaintance on your partner every few days, pulling him or her into the web of being polite or sociable, adjusting or sacrificing, may not be every person’s cup of tea. Whenever you bring a new element into your ‘We two, our two’ world, make sure you have taken your partner’s consent or acceptance.
  • Overly appreciating a quality in someone else in a way that implies that your partner lacks that important attribute. This is often why women feel angry when their husbands exclaim over a dinner cooked by someone else, or husbands feel furious when their wives exclaim too loudly over the wonderful car/jewellery/household valuables another man has bought. Do praise where it is deserved, but praise in judicious moderation.
  • Handling your wife’s/husband’s relatives in a markedly different way than you do your own. This has to be one of the most problematic areas in Indian marriages, and becomes worse when the two families are widely separated by status or education. A man may give his more sophisticated in laws more importance, then begin to hate himself and his wife for it, in unequal proportions!
  • Delighting in the achievements of children with normal parental pride, then acting as if their shortcomings are all your partner’s fault. This selective approach is more common than it seems, and always manages to put the partner’s teeth on edge, who is being blamed for ‘your son,’ or ‘your daughter’.
  • Addiction in all forms, from the most harmful effects of alcohol-induced rage and smoking that causes acute bronchitis, to other things like gambling, excess partying, and even excess carrom! Extreme dependence on any of these, and especially on life-threatening substances, can cause a partner to freeze up, feeling wretched and helpless, shut out of the addict’s world.
  • Forgetting to say ‘I love you’ or variants like ‘I trust you/need you etc.’ for months and years. Allowing intercourse to become a clinical exchange, without letting down your emotional guard. Being too proud for simple acts of touching that reassure your partner that you still care about him/her.

Here’s wishing you a happy marriage free from these destructive traits!  

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