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Considering Marriage? Find out if you are ready


54 Votes | Average: 4.2 out of 554 Votes | Average: 4.2 out of 554 Votes | Average: 4.2 out of 554 Votes | Average: 4.2 out of 554 Votes | Average: 4.2 out of 5 (54 votes, average: 4.2 out of 5)
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Considering Marriage? Find out if you are readyThe Indian society is greatly divided on its views about what is the right time to get married. According to the law any woman above the age of eighteen years and any man above the age of twenty-one is ready to get married. But, more and more young people are now beginning to consider a successful career and sound financial status as the yard stick to gauge the right time for getting married. Since, the entire decision is a very personal one the choice is entirely dependant on the individual. However, what might help in making the marital journey a little smoother is considering a few factors which will give you an insight into whether you are ready to tie the knot or not.

Most people who decide to get married like to think that it is a lifetime commitment. Therefore, like all other major decisions in life this one also needs to be considered very carefully. So, the best way to start is by doing some self-analysis and introspection.

Mitul, (a BPO employee) is crazily in love and is planning to get married in a couple of months. The family is happy with her choice and everybody is excited about the wedding. She plans to continue working after the marriage. When asked whether she had discussed working night shifts with her spouse or her superiors at the office she looks sheepishly and says,” no, but I’m sure we can find a way of managing that problem. In the worst case scenario I will work night shifts and I’m sure Suman will understand. After all he has no problems with me continuing to work.”

Now, what Mitul is unknowingly doing is saddling Suman with her expectations. Most of us fail to understand that this is what is actually happening because we cover it under the guise of love and doing ‘everything” to make the spouse happy. It is essential to separate romanticism from reality and that is what makes it essential to discuss expectations. Because, the base for a stable and satisfying marital relationship is being able to match behaviour patterns or actions with expectations.

Some common areas where couples find their expectations clashing or rather coming in the way of their happiness are: career- whether one of the partners should put his/her career on the back burner(at least for a while), sex-(how important is it to the marriage),money-(financial priorities), vacations(whether to go with others or just as a couple) etc.

When asked why he had decided to marry Farah, Zaheer says,”she’s the only thing in this universe that will make me happy.” Again here is a classic example of burdening your spouse with your expectations.  Since each partner brings with him/her a legacy of traditions and beliefs, happiness in a marital relationship depends largely upon successfully using each others strengths to grow. It is a good idea to find happiness within yourself before you decide to share your life with somebody else. Besides, it is only an extreme optimist who will think that a relationship will be great at all times!

Making assumptions about almost anything can be dangerous. So, marriage is no exception. MS. Dasgupta did not like the way her husband raja dominated her life. But, she loved him so she tried every trick that she knew- being considerate, setting exemplary behaviour, sometimes voicing her opinion. And each time she kept her fingers crossed hoping (another “romantic” word for assuming) that her husband would change. She is still hopeful after twenty-five years of marriage.

Giving a relationship time is also an important factor. However, skeptics will say even one lifetime is not enough to understand another human being. But, before one decides to get married it is a good idea to spend quality time with each other. It often helps couples to get more comfortable with each other.

Though it is popularly believed that opposites attract. But it has been found that  people who have largely similar goals and expectations are able to build more successful relationships.

Is it possible for you to have a discussion with your would be spouse without getting into an argument is a very important point to consider.

Sometimes I have heard people saying,” well, of course they are going to be happy. Happy marriages run in that family.” At this point let me share a little secret with you and that is happy marriages have nothing to do with genes or heredity. It is entirely about working hard at understanding each other and making the relationship a little better each day.

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Responses to Considering Marriage? Find out if you are ready

  1. 1 Naveen goel

    I love good looking people with very friendly nature & also with sestive people.

  2. 2 Rahul

    Nice article..It is about very important decision to make and to make it we need to understand the intricacies.

    Is there any page where I can find links to articles talking on this subject.

  3. 3 Kiran

    Short n sweet article. It highlights the fact which we tend to ignore during our courtship days that one should not unknowingly burden our partner with ‘obvious’ expectations.

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