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Militant Brides: Changing Times


31 Votes | Average: 3.68 out of 531 Votes | Average: 3.68 out of 531 Votes | Average: 3.68 out of 531 Votes | Average: 3.68 out of 531 Votes | Average: 3.68 out of 5 (31 votes, average: 3.68 out of 5)
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Militant Brides: Changing TimesTwo recent instances reported in the newspapers show the metamorphosis of the meek Indian woman, or rather, girl, into a much more assertive and militant avatar. In Indore, a girl who was being married to the groom of her parents’ choice, turned around at the last second, with the bridegroom’s garland in her hands. She then proceeded to garland her long-time boyfriend, seated in the first row in the wedding hall, watching his love get married to someone else.

When her beau began to be beaten by irate family members of the spurned groom’s family, and her own relatives, the girl rescued him and took him to the police station, where she confessed to her love, and triumphantly walked out to be married to the man of her choice.

In Chennai a dhobi was getting his twenty-year old daughter married to another twenty-six year old ironing-man. Guests and relatives had assembled and the wedding had no sooner been completed, than the bride actually took off her mangalsutra (there was surely a collective gasp!) and tossed it away! Once more, the whole troupe of agitated family members went to the nearest police station, where the girl confessed that she was in love with another man.

“Girls these days just seem to be misusing their freedom,” says Sashi Kumar, a graphic designer in a leading printing company. “Nobody is saying that girls shouldn’t have the best education, or go out to work. But they seem to be forgetting that they have to be more responsible as the keeper of values within a family and in society.”

“How can only girls be responsible for such values?” asks Jayanthi, his colleague, in some agitation. “Even men have to be responsible for teaching the right things through their behaviour. For centuries, they have behaved exactly as they wanted, and asked girls and women to be models of good behaviour and values.”

“That may be true,” concedes Sashi Kumar. “But honestly tell me, from whom did you learn more about life and values, right and wrong, your mother or your father?”

“My mother,” answers Jayanthi automatically.

“See, that’s what I am saying,” says Sashi, as if his point has been proved. “All I wanted to point out was that girls today are totally unconcerned about such things – they are becoming more selfish.”

Before this argument can become another endless loop, I intervene. After all, both points of view are valid. But in the recent instances of militant brides, what is actually emerging? Is it only examples of feminine bad behaviour that these instances amount to? To me, the fact that both the incidents happened in such a public forum – at weddings, where the need for social approval is at its highest, shows that the social hold over the individual is weakening in today’s India, at least in urban India.

No matter how many movies Karan Johar and Sooraj Barjatya make about loving your family, in today’s context, loving and honouring yourself, being honest with yourself seem equally, if not more important. Not a bad thing at all, what would you say?

 

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Responses to Militant Brides: Changing Times

  1. 1 puja

    great book will certainly read it seems thought provoking

  2. 2 venki

    i feel (my personal opinion only)the title “militant brides” does not match with the subject, in both the incidents the girls were fighting for there right to choice.
    it is not a selfish act and definetely not misuse of freedom given by parents. As far as morality is concerned it is not only for the girl, even the opposite should maintain

  3. 3 Scharada Bail

    Yes, I too feel it is not a selfish act. In fact, I feel this movement towards personal choice and individual courage is a positive development. Read the last two lines of my article. Thanks for your comment.

  4. 4 dastagir

    yes i too feel it not a selfish act ,in relation ship love also perfect like freedom thankyu

  5. 5 Anushka

    While making a choice. be it a man or woman should forget about other person’s honour. Imagine the plight of Bridegrooms… Girls should have shown more responsible behavoiur.. Freedom & responsibilities go hand in hand..
    God forbid, if same thing happens to some girl..we would have called guy with hundred different names.

  6. 6 chandra

    Ok, let me site you a couple of real militant brides,

    One bride from Hyderabad, marries a guy, comes to US with her hubbyand leaves with her boy friend from air port itself. Another one comes to US after marraige, starts her MS and dates a white women on campus and again leaves her husband for good. In both the cases, I think the guys are better off with out those brides anyways.

    If this is not degrading morals, i don’t know what is. You might have read tons of stories about grooms cheating or torturing or leaving their wives for some one else. Now time has come that we are hearing it from girls too. Yes, society as a whole has lost moral values and un fortunately girls do not want to be left behind in this either. Every body should be honet to themselves and also to their significant others.

  7. 7 Gaurav Raikhy

    Article seems to present that women in present world should follow the rules made by men centuries ago, those men who wanted the women to be deprived from their rights and freedom. Writer should go into the Indian history where women had the last say while choosing the groom and it was not other way round.
    The men have always problems whenever women get empowered or feel freedom. Writer mentioned about the incidents happened in public forum. But my dear friend what about those incidences that happened in the past and are still happening where groom’s family harass the bride’s family for dowry, marriage arrangements, gifts and other things. I think this also happen in public forum. Are men so coward to fear about their pseudo-pride. Even men can teach his children values of life and it should not be considered duty on women only. Women suffer because of weaker sex.
    If a girl wants to marry a man of his choice then I don’t think why the society has such problem. It is the choice of both girl and boy to stay together happily as they have to spend their lives together and the society or family. Suppose if something bad happen in arrange marriage even then society is not coming to support you. Are they!
    In the last two lines movies examples were presented in support. But it is real life not reel life and is opposite to what we see in cinemas. I will give an example here when boy and girl marries against the wishes of their families, it is always said that women ran away whereas it is both so why only women face the burnt. Unless and until women are not empowered, society cann’t progress.

  8. 8 Rita

    I think this is a great example of Indian women claiming their own happines by marrying the partner of their choice. . .and not whoever they are “expected” to marry. Families should place priority on their daughters’ happiness, rather than on the approval the society. I hope the traditional trend of families forcing their daughters into unwanted marriages will soon come to an end.

  9. 9 Neeraj

    Dear Scharada & venki,

    You r right that in both the cases girl was fighting for ‘her rights’. But the point writer want to communicate is that ‘her right of choice’ was earlier denied by her own parents. That’s why these two incidents happened in public. Don’t u think daughters have a social responsibility too why they need to betray their parents in public.

    Why she was hiding her lover upto the last moment? what’s wrong in going public against your parents. Now the ‘domestic violence law’ also have come in which “a forcible marriage without her consent” is a crime. They could have used that why a filmy stunt.

    Now about the title: There are many such instances happened and happenning in india that such kind of ladies have ‘misused their rights’ like cruelty or dowry demand IPC 498a.

    How?
    Let me explain by extending one of the above said incident.
    Ok! if any of the girl above would have married as per their parents choice, she will definetly not feel good with company of her husband which will definetly lead to mrital discord between the couple. Now husband will start speaking about her misbehaviour and due to the grudges between them she would definetly file a case of cruelty and demand of dowry accusing not only husband but his whole family as most of the ladies in metro areas (actualy in 98% cases as per research done by center for social justice in 2004).

    So, in short my point is if u really want to make your choice do it at the very first step. Don’t let the matter go at the very first stage so as to save the life of an unknown person (the unwanted husband).

    If u really want to know about “the militant brides” please visit: www.saveindianfamily.org

    Regards
    Neeraj

  10. 10 Vaishu

    Nice book presenting some unwanted situation but one should know why such situation occurs? Yes, I completly agree with Scharada Bail’s statement. Its not a selfish act rather it indicates todays girl/women’s (indivisual) positive developement. Indivisual approval is more important than the social one(as I feel), bcoz its the indivisual who is going to lead their life not the society. If the parents could have listened to their daughters opinion(approval for marriage, the way its always asked for their son), then above mentioned situations may not occured at all.

    Thanks and Regards,
    Vaishu.

  11. 11 Mukundan

    The aforesaid instances cannot and must not be generalised.

    However, they surely speak volumes of lack of ” cohesiveness and consideration ” in the related girl’s families, when it comes to matters of ” collective family interest “.

    It is a general observation that the overall ” societal values ” have been dropping steadly thanks the undue highlighting of “individual family excesses” by all forms of print and audio visual media , leading to the constant indoctrination of “lowered values” the sub-conscious mind of the readers / viewers.

    The days to come will see the abyss to which “societal values ” can degrade. ” Good family values” will survive as long as ” good families” manage to survive.

  12. 12 Ashoke

    Being the father of a marriageable professional girl, I feel happy to know about Ms. Garland and Ms. Washy. Time has arrived for the Indian sub-continent to encourage and guide these JKRs (Jhansi Ki Rani). It is heartening to herald that they were not subjected to that social evil of ‘honour killing’.

    Let us not forget the fact that an educated mother is better than hundred good teachers. Once Swami Vivekanada said, India can not progress until our mothers are freed from the shackle of kitchen. We should not suffer from the so called generation gap with our offspring. We must respect and treat our girls and boys on equal footing.

    Ashoke

  13. 13 venugopalan

    The facts narrated are correct.Every body bride and groom aswell as parents have to be safe in the society. But how that is the question. Each one find there own solution.So my solution is that each one has to respect themselves and then others.Every body has to have vision to have good life sicially, physically and economically and they should have prospective aim on future.

  14. 14 Ayaz Khan

    Rally this is a good and extremly a very nice3 book for every body.

  15. 15 Smita

    I don’t agree with the title “militant bride” Fighting for ur own rights, self-respect and honour, makes u a militant or a self-centered person.

    Men r doing this for ages, nobody points there social conduct or behaviour. This article in itself is a proof that Indian society still does’nt agree with women empowerment. Else it would’nt have been here. Its all bookish saying that the plight of Indian women is improving.

    Being in a democracy, we still don’t have any freedom of speech. If anyone voice their opinion to others, then that person becomes a rebel or a militant, especially a women. The men get along with anything they do, being ethical or unethical.

  16. 16 N.Rajasekaran

    Empowerment and post modernistic principles of women are good for the women to assert their rights and have a nuclear family. In the joint family set, it creates a situation of typical war zone and breaking up of families. In addition the late marriages among the women also creates lot of problem in maintaining families, for only saplings can only be transplanted not the fully grown tree. the saplings will get adapted to the new soil but fully grown tree will not get adjusted to the new soil. Thus, empowerment, post modernistic ideals coupled with late marriages precipitate the breaking up of famil values and healthy social life.

  17. 17 Ashok Kumar

    Article is interesting, comments are more interesting. In my opinion, we are blindly trying to compare both genders unnecessarily. Male and female both are having their own respect and dignity. Nature has made both on different patterns which can not be compared rather should be treated special on different parameters. Female is noway below then male and male is noway below the females. But both have their own places. Nature has assigned different different responsibilities to both of them. So, there should be no comparison. As far as Ms. Garland and Ms. Washy is concerned, they shoud show this courage before their wedding ceremony. There should be proper education of culture. I don’t oppose marriages by one’s choice but here its a matter of neglegence of cultural values, ettiquates and respect of other’s (groom’s) personal dignity. Such instances create nothing but the spice in news. This is not a question of comparison between male & female. God has made both for performance of their assigned duties. Respect yourself, respect others too. Create a room for yourself but on the same time keep in mind space for others too. Thanks

  18. 18 sonal

    In the incidents stated above if we come to point values then we will definitly have to pierce through the past of the girls. India where always the freedom of a girl is hampered with the name of security and values this is a step towards the revolution arising in the mind of youth. Is only a girl responsible to carry the values of the society? Is she always have to be dependent on others even to take a breath? It shows a fight between the traditional cage for a women and her modern thirst for freedom. When our values point towards the respect of a women then why is not this respect in terms of her respect , her honour, her choice. Whenever a thing like this happens one can only see the present part and not the pseudo one.
    In ancient times swayamwars were arranged for a princess to select her own mate. This indicates that the ols age was even more advanced and democratic for girls then present times and we carry our values from the past only. Then what makes this difference between both the ages?
    This step is a fight for ones own choice, power of decision, self respect and should not be opposed

  19. 19 vijay

    Parents are fools,Once the guy/gal are major.They should be told in and out of these social rithuals.Marriage is not a relationship between two indivisuals.But this is also a binding between families and society. But in heat of harmonal streams,young couple feels at height of sky and rest of things look very small.Animals and Insects also have this feeling on maturity. Nothing can help,exept time. Alas which never come again? God help these militants!

  20. 20 P Srinivasan

    :rolleyes_wp:
    Kudos to both girls!
    There is no point in marrying a man who she
    does’nt and lament through out their lives and
    making the life of another person also miserable.
    It is indecent on the part of the parents not to
    ask for the personal preferences of the girls.
    Parents should grow up.

  21. 21 vaghela s v

    Beware of Surphankas!!!! and Rawans as well!!!

    Destroying family to save it!!

    Unfaithfully Yours!!

    One of my friend wrote to me how she turn her marriage to mint money.
    BRAVO Mukta, these men never understand, unless there are many brave women like you. Nisha Sharma got nothing, you are the number one Fortune Hunter.

    Here is the some main things she wrote to me.

    My name is Vidya from satara, I got married to a south Indian man, he is a NRI, after Marriage I went to USA with him, I told him till i get Green Card, not to have children and he agreed, He was Earning well and I managed to send almost 5 lac to my Account in India in 18 months. Soon after I got my Green card, I came back to India after taking all the gold he gave worth almost 10 lacs.

    As soon as I reach India, I filed dowry case on him and his parents in coimbatore, my dad has some political and police influence, so they sent Arrest warrant for them and they are on run, and my husband cann`t come to India to fight for this 498a.

    Meanwhile I applied for divorce and and 20 lacs alimony, lets see what happens.

    Actually I wanted to marry my Boyfriend, but my husband impressed my parents, so they forced me to marry him. I enjoyed 18 months stay with him and seen half of the world at his expenses. Now I have Green Card and after Divorce and can settle in USA with my BoyFriend.

    Please do not tell this to anyone, this is for your personal reference only.

    Sorry Mukta, I have to encourage other women, about your efforts.

  22. 22 saravanan

    don’t agree with the title “militant bride” Fighting for ur own rights, self-respect and honour, makes u a militant or a self-centered person.
    How?
    Let me explain by extending one of the above said incident.
    Ok! if any of the girl above would have married as per their parents choice, she will definetly not feel good with company of her husband which will definetly lead to mrital discord between the couple. Now husband will start speaking about her misbehaviour and due to the grudges between them she would definetly file a case of cruelty and demand of dowry accusing not only husband but his whole family as most of the ladies in metro areas

  23. 23 Rajkumar

    Society is changing and today’s young men and women see their roles differently. The book, “The Great Indian Family: New Roles, Old Responsibilities” tracks many of these changes and also explores what’s happening-and why. Would like to see whether you agree or disagree with the author!

  24. 24 Ashokpatnaik

    be an Indian ,
    i dont agree with this, is looking not very selfish act i feel is depend upon him/her therefore (In my openian)in democretic country there is a rite to express voice but is depends upon he/she is most reputed or not because many people follow him/her …..thanking you

  25. 25 prem

    Vivah is very nice movie . it shows us what true love is in a very realistic way.Everyone who is going to be merried must watch this movie.We are thanks to Rajshri to give us such a nice movie .

  26. 26 Praful

    This story is one of a girl left with no option but to choose the lesser of the two evils - a moment of social abhorrence over a lifetime of marital wretchedness. Though no one has the right to deny the girl her prerogative to choose a life-partner, to leave dignity of a boy (bridegroom designate)and his family in tatters for no fault of his certainly lacks legitimacy. Your own meekness before your family not qualify you to make a social mockery of those who have done you no wrong. How about a boy making a tamasha of the kind that these girls did albeit for the same reason at the marriage venue? The modesty of one and all deserves equal importance.

  27. 27 Yunus

    Though I would dislike the title, the article is impressive enough to think where we slip out of our feet. Abou the ‘rights’ mentioned here, I have a doubt…whose rights are being violated in such attmpts? Just the lady’s? Not the groom’s or his/her parents? Where were her hero till the time she went to Mandap / Airport / tied Thaali? Why dint they sought the help of police before the events? Just to make it a showpiece? I follow Islam, and in Islam, a woman has a solid right to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ for a proposal…and don question me whether this is practical…not everything written is practised by 100% followers….apart from them I am speaking abt the norms. If the bride dont like the groom…there is no permission for anyone to speak against her will…..holding there, I would like to say, ‘LOVE IS BLIND’….There may be hell a lotta things that go unnoticed in Love….for example, being lavish, spendthrift, lazy, alcoholic, hypertension, great use of physical power, disobedient, lacking trust, lagging punctuality….and so on and so forth….all these may mean simple / zeroed in / negligible during ‘Love period’, but when it comes to life…it may not!! Chances are there that the parents would have decided on some criteria like power/money/ fame etc….but for those poor /middle class parents who wish to get only good for their wards, pls…understand ur parents, talk in their language and come to terms if what u have chosen is right…stand upright against any other proposal, but nodding head for someone else, and doing this drama would be ‘Accomplishment’ to u, but it may also be the end of ‘expectations / desires / dreams’ for someone else too…including the innocent groom whom u ignore!!

  28. 28 vinny

    Until not provoked girls are always right.

  29. 29 Vinayak

    Shocking !!!!

    Mis use of dowry laws by Indian women

    Educated and well placed Indian women are filing FALSE DOWRY CASES and harassing old and aged in laws…

    Now…. are Indian men loosing their patience with Indian women and choosing foreigners ???

    http://divorceindia.blogspot.com/2007/04/indian-grooms-wanted-as-life-partners.html

  30. 30 Alfonso

    To someone from the West, all this seems stunning! You cannot and shouldn’t force people to marry against his/her own will.

    Even in the Hindu tradition, didn’t Rukmini flee with Shri Krishna when Rukmi wanted her sister married to Shisupala? Didn’t Rukmini’s personal priest stated in no uncertain terms that is was against right to marry someone if your heart is on someone else?

    By the way, Rukmini even told Shri Krishna not to slay his brother who was willing to marry her to an obviously ill-fated man.

    Will of God prevails over traditions ok mankind.

    Is it clear, oh ye, self-proclaimed righteous men and women ,who want to marry someone against his/her will?

    Will of God prevails over traditions of mankind. Again.

  31. 31 Girls should tell their love affairs to parents

    Girls should tell their love affairs to parents when they try to fix her marriage with another person whom she does not like. But In these two instances, the brides did turned out in the last moment and caused great distress to both parents and especially the bride groom. If they dont have courage to express their love, then what is the point of loving. If they are independent in earnings, they will show some courage and marry some one they love.
    Prabhakar

  32. 32 Mikebb

    Being an American and being travled all over the world. I have lived in the middle east for about 2 years off and on. I had an arranged merrage and could not understand why she could not be her self. She was everything a person would want to look at but was very shallow and could not adjust to being loved by a person that married for love. She had everything a woman could want in life in addation to being her self with all the room she wanted. Being an American if you love a person you give them space which is needed in all merrages. We divorced due to the situation of her wanting everything in life which is material things. She is well off which I am happy for her. I will be getting married again but the woman will be choosing me instead of getting some one you have no idea about. I believe a woman should always have a choice and not a thing that can be given to some one that they have no idea about. We live to be loved and choose who we believe will love you back. Many wives I see that are married with no choice are living in help me if you can. Love comes from with in each person and is given from with in each and why live a life of being what is not a true love. All women should have this ability to make their life decision on what and who they will want to be with till death do us part. Parents make a big factor in a merrage but they do not live the ups and downs you will have. Your reasponsibility for each other will have to bear your own life together. I pray that the arranged merrages stop in time and let a woman be a woman instead of being something that can be given away for what someone thinks will work. God tells all to leave your mother and father and be joined as one flesh. If we would let God take care of what he tells us to do then we would not have so many lives living in what you call a merriage of convience to what others want. God will provide not the ones that think. Money is not everything in life. Just like the bee with out the honey it is nothing. Many men mary foreign ladies because of the customs and the morals a woman has. If they can not choose it is just like the US where the divorce rate is high. The big difference is you live in something that you just put up with for the rest of your life due to what others wanted and not you. I pray this will help the women that learn to stand up for what they want love to be in their life

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