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Counselling first, legalities next

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P.V.S GiridharP.V.S. Giridhar,
Legal advisor.

PVS Giridhar Associates is a law firm with its headquarters in Chennai and branches in Hyderabad and Pondicherry. They provide legal advisory and litigation services in various fields of law, including matrimonial law, property law, contracts and corporate law. Post your queries on legal consulting here.

Name:Amit Roy  Age:32  Gender:M  Place:Kolkata

Q:Dear Sir I am 32-year engineer and was married 4 months ago. Recently my wife has put this allegation that I don’t love her that I have some kind of bad relationship with my mother. After hearing this I am not able to live with her and we been living separately, she at her parents house and myself with my mother. I do not think I can ever have a healthy relationship her. How can I protect myself from any of their (in-laws) evil intentions and get separated her. Regards Amit

A:It is necessary for you to be perfectly clear about what you require. If you need judicial separation from your wife, you would neither of you be able to marry again, though you would not be living together. If you require a divorce, you would have to approach a competent court on any of the grounds provided for divorce according to the act by which your marriage was solemnized. However, this procedure can be undertaken only after one year of marriage. Within the first year, you could seek annulment of the marriage on any of grounds provided for annulment including non-consummation of marriage due to impotency. If you have demanded or received and accepted dowry, then there may be demand made on you to return it, or a police complaint may be filed that you demanded or accepted dowry. It may be a good idea for you to return items received as dowry. It may also help to list out the items received by you at the time of the wedding, and get it signed by your wife, so that there may not be confusion with regard to the same. If other allegations are framed against you, you would have to cooperate with the investigation, and defend yourself in court. If you are sure that criminal complaints are going to be filed against you then you could seek bail in anticipation of arrest. It may help to inform members of your family of the current situation, so that they are also prepared. If any threats are made against you, you ought to make a complaint at the police station.
I would sincerely suggest that you and your wife seek professional marital counseling to see if you can save the marriage. However, counseling can also help you to amicably separate without undue agony to either of you.

Name:Aarthi  Age:26  Gender:F  Place : 

Q:Dear Sir, I am married for 1 and 1/2 years, and i am not happy in this marriage. I was made to give up career and further education. My husband as a single son is basically very selfish and he can manipulate any situation for his advantage. He not bothered about his career either, and believes that life is just about blasting his parent’s money. His parents are unable to do anything are providing for us as of now. He stops me from visiting my parents, and just want me to attend to him all the we are a middle class family, and both our views in life just doesn’t blend. He is not even agreeing for a separation, he wants me to listen to him whatever be the cost. Please advise.

A:The first step may be to seek professional marital counseling to see if you can settle your differences and save your marriage. If you are not able to save your marriage, then perhaps the best step would be to work towards an amicable separation. Your husband’s conduct may amount to mental cruelty, and perhaps you might be able to seek a divorce on that ground. I would have to have a personal discussion with you to be able to advice you further.

Name:Hemanth  Age:28  Gender:M  Place:Kolkata

Q:I got married in Bangalore, and I have not registered it. Now if i want to get my marriage certificate, what should be the and how fast i can get it done. Is it mandatory that my wife’s name should be changing after the marriage? I don’t want to it changed, as there is lot of headache in getting other documents also corrected for the same.

A:If you are Hindu, you can get your marriage registered in the place where you are permanently resident, at the office of the registrar of marriages which is generally the same place where one goes to register sale deeds etc. if you are Christian you need to approach the office of inspector general of registrations in the state where the marriage took place. If you were Hindu, you would have to approach the office of the chief kazi in the state where the marriage took place. It is not necessary for your wife to change her name. However, if the change contemplated is only the replacing of her surname with yours, it would not involve a long or difficult process. She will however have to make amendments in her official documents.

Name:Raghav  Age:31  Gender:M  Place:Delhi

Q:Sir, I am married for 8 years now. The relationship with my wife has been strained from the beginning, but unfortunately we went on and a child who is now 5 and he is the only thing we have in common that we love and care about. We have not any intimate relationship since she was conceived ( 5 years). I also learnt recently that she is having an affair with a common friend. That obviously shattered me, I am surprised to also hear that she is suddenly insisting to get our marriage registered - something that never up before. She has changed her name on her passport to my surname through an affidavit. My question: Does alimony liability increase in the of a divorce if the marriage is registered? While I haven’t confronted her on the affair, I suspect it will be out in the open

A:The first step might be for you both to seek professional marital counseling. Since you have a child, it is necessary for you to think of his welfare while deciding about your future together, or separately. Marital counseling may help you to do this effectively. It will also definitely bring out the true nature of her relationship with this common friend. If you are convinced that your marriage is not likely to last, then perhaps you could seek a divorce by mutual consent. Indian courts are generally in favour of granting custody of minor children to the mother, though the father will have visitation rights, and could have the child for weekends and a part of the vacations. The father would have to support the education and upkeep of the child. Co-parenting is not easy but with comfortable relations between the parents, it can be a success. Under Indian law, mere non-registration of the marriage does not invalidate it. Nor does the wife have to change her surname after marriage. Therefore, there is no question of a larger alimony in either case. Perhaps your wife is just insecure because you have indicated to her that you do not trust her, and she wishes to take some steps to protect herself. It will definitely help you both to take some time off and spend it with each other discussing the issues in your marriage.

Name:Shweta  Age:26  Gender:F  Place: 

Q:Hello Sir, My Husband took a divorce from me without my knowledge and once it was done, he informed me to leave his house, as are no more husband and wife. The moment we came to know about it we applied for reopen. My husband is seeking to marry and has given no. of matrimonial adds in a number of websites. he had a hearing in court, where he didn’t appear following which gave stay to him for remarry until case is reopen. Now again he has to appear in court on 6th April. Please guide me, all steps can my husband take, I mean what all rights he have so that he’ll get the case closed. Or is it that have the rights to get the case reopen.

A:Once you have reopened a case, there is no question of it being closed without a final judgment on the issue. Your husband may file a petition to seek dismissal of your petition, but that would not be done without the judge hearing your side of the case. I would suggest that you have your doubts cleared by your lawyer, who is the best person to ask because he knows what your case is about. It may also help for you and your husband to seek professional marital counseling to see if you can settle the issue amicably without causing undue pain to either of you. I will have to look at the papers that you and your husband have filed before giving you further advice.

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Responses to Counselling first, legalities next

  1. 1 nature friend

    we got seperated last year after a 1 year case in mumbai court filed by herself and came ex parte decision to get seperate . alimony of 2000 p .month and custody of the girl child.

    early she gave exess to meet my 2 year old daughter now she is delibratly trying to avoide me to my daughter .

    now she is telling she has changed my daughter s name to her name and maiden name of early home. ie Aabha vaibhav Kamat / early now she is telling its aabha roopali parkhe. her father s name.

    Whether a divorced mother can change this legality in fathers name without any consent adn my knowledge???????

    childs birth cirtificate s states my name and i hve not let her my rights on child. she can be gaurdian but whether she can change the entity of my childs surname?

    please guide me and what procedures i hve to do if she has done this? she is teaching wrong things about father to child. and she is working women in high career job.

    pleaes mail me on

    thanking you

    great website for relief

    vaibhav kamat

  2. 2 Swati N

    I am married to a Christian and I want to retain my maiden hindu name. But my passport is due for renewal and my agent claims I must change my surname or keep it as Mrs X Miaden surname….I dont think keeping it as Mrs X maden surname makes sense..I’d rather let it be only Ms X Maiden name…
    Can i mention status as married in passport but still keep title of Ms?

    Pl advise asap

  3. 3 Ridhie

    Dear Sir,

    I have been married for the past one and half year. there was somehting fishy i could sense from the day of engagement, but i liked that guy and went ahead to marry him. after marriage many ups and downs came. could feel that the guy i married doenst love me. he is working inthe night shifts and maintains himself like he is unmarried. he is so obsessed with the call centre job and people there. many a times he has beaten me up. all of a suddne in the month of october his mother came. i could sense somthing fishy again. as my husband was acting differntly. his mother left just few days before karvachauth. then he also kicked the maid servant. and i was left alonein the house. i tried speaking to his friend to just know whats going on. and t0 my surprise, just a day before karvachauth, they both beaten me up to the glory and kicekd me out of the house. also they both ran away from the house by putting a big lock on the door. somehow my paretns came and they called my husband back. he came and my parents requested him to take them upstairs and sit and talk that y did he and his friend beaten up their daguther. but he usde abusive words and then fled away. somehow we managed to open the lock. i got my few clothes and daily necessaities. and left. it wsa surpirisng that exactly after a motnhs’ time he sent the divorce papers putting cruelty allegatiosn on me. we were so silly that we dint even report them to the police. i want your advice in this. that can we go ahead to the women cell and lodge fir. and take the things forward. also he has removed that paper the security registered whcih was weritten by me when i had taken my stuff. we shall be consulting a lawyer in few days. request your inputs as to what things i should keep in mind druing the entire case.

  4. 4 Sunu Sebastine

    I am sunu, I got marriage on 2003 in kerala. Now I am staying in Mumbai. I want change my sur name in bank, LIC. All people wants the Marriage Certificate. I got marriage in Christian marriage act,. Please help in this regards.

  5. 5 Pramila A poojary


    My marriage is held on 2nd may 2007, mumbai -vikhroli now i required urgently with 2 to 3 days my marriage certificate.

    Could you held me in this matter

    Thanking You,


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