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Oh, For A Good Marriage!


71 Votes | Average: 3.75 out of 571 Votes | Average: 3.75 out of 571 Votes | Average: 3.75 out of 571 Votes | Average: 3.75 out of 571 Votes | Average: 3.75 out of 5 (71 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5)
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Oh, For A Good MarriageThere is perhaps no relationship in the world that can give as much comfort and security as a good marriage. No matter what the trials and tribulations you face in the outside world, home becomes a haven for you to take refuge in when there’s a loving, understanding spouse to share things with.

A good marriage is one based on a mature partnership, closely bonded from the heart and yet giving enough room to each other to breathe and thrive independently. No book, no counselor can help create a perfect marriage or put a shaky relationship back on track if one or both partners lack the intention to contribute to each other’s happiness.

In any well balanced marriage, the first thing one will observe is that both husband and wife occupy pride of place in each other’s lives, which is to say, every other person, whether it be child or parent, comes second to the spouse. A man who remains ‘mama’s boy’ can never really hope to enjoy a marriage of equals. He lacks the emotional wherewithal to offer the support his wife is looking for.  

Sarita, married now for over 15 years, has this to say about her husband (from whom she chose to separate after realizing that she was no longer willing to play second fiddle to his mom)—“When he got his first salary, it was his mom to whom he gave the entire amount. The thing became a ritual. Month after month, year after year. He expected me to do the same when I started working. I refused and it became a bone of contention between us. He craved for his mother’s approval in everything. I never felt I was living with a man, I always felt I was living with someone’s son.”

Bhushan another spouse who finds his marriage on a rocky patch, feels both partners need to know how to deal intelligently with the trivia of daily life. “There are million issues that come up when two people live together. And what seems like inconsequential details often snowball into major issues. Sometimes our arguments and bad tempers would arise from a silly thing like who would get up next morning to pick up the milk packet from downstairs.
 
Then the other important problem that caused me concern was her habit of splurging mindlessly.” His wife however feels that Bhushan is not the man she married. “This one simply does not care enough.” Both agree that something drastic needs to be done to pump positive energy into their dying relationship but…

A good marriage is pretty much like a good conversation. Sometimes you listen. Sometimes you speak. And at the end of it, you look forward to more!

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Responses to Oh, For A Good Marriage!

  1. 1 raj

    good info on good marriage

  2. 2 rim

    Yuor article is very touchy and very near to my problems.We are together for nearly 10yrs, and I still feel that my husband still looks on me with dought about my careiing for my inlaws and his two sisters. He is just not tolerant about anything I say about his sisters except their praises. He is too close to his sisters and prefers to share his problems and feelings with them rather than me. His parents and sisters are first in his life. I though he says am most important to him; but as I feel am only important for doing his and other family members work. When it comes to doing something for them , everyones expectation are first to me. When it comes to sharing I am the last.Earlier I used to share my feelings with my husband but gradually due to his passimistic attitude towards my feelings we have nearly turned to nontalking terms for each others feelings.He is playing, joking ,talking listening with everyone but when it comes to me its only expectations and doing.He feels that I am the only person in respect to other family members who is in best position regarding place in family and also financially.If only I could buy his closeness.Every one expects a very mature behavior from me; always; I should smile now, Ishould laugh only then, I should be very good to all everytime. I should be graceful , cheerful , full of energy all time.Oh at times I am confused .At time I am frusted. Please help me. To your surprise we have gone for love marriage, and he was just the opposite before marriage. He says that now he has to tookfor so many people in family and I ought to be his last priority and always helping him rather than keep on expecting from him.Am I really wrong, Shouldn’nt I expect sharing of feelings and love from my husband.

  3. 3 Sanjay

    Rim,

    First things first. You need a holiday for a few days, just you and your husband.

    There you could first give him all the importance and love that he would need to satisfy his male ego and then slowly, in those delicate intimate moments you could talk to him about all your feelings. Remind him of all the good moments you shared together in life. Give him the confidence that YOU are right behind him, supporting him in all his actions, duties etc. but also need his support. Talk positive things about his family members and do so even when you are back home, regularly.
    Once he has the confidence that you treat his family like your own, he would listen to your criticisms as well. I am sure you must be treating his family like your own but its just about communicating the same to your husband, slowly but surely.

    It’s important for him as well to understand that you need some private time with him to talk things, share feelings and that you also need support from him, more so emotional support than anything else, as he is the only one who could do this for you. Trust me it will be fine!

    All the Best!!

  4. 4 arun

    No matter who comes in as a match maker , matches are made in haven .

  5. 5 Joe

    Hi

    The topic on Good Marriage is real good and very touchy, though i am not married and wasnt interested or beleived in marriage till now, i am changing my attitude and approach to the issue of marriage.

    Though i play a very important role of a good friend to a very good friend of mine to cope up with her husband when ever she has a fight with him over silly matters.

    Sometimes wives are too demanding & sometimes husbands are too demanding and bossy or dominating, at that times wives get sentimental and feel kept down, which is not to be done as wives are the ones who sacrifice everything and come to serve this soo called husbands.

    in some cases wives are too dominating and try to take control of husbands life, in turn spoil the whole life of not only her husband, but also the people and family who are associated with her husband.

    over all marriage is very confusing.

  6. 6 Renuka-NewYork

    I’m sorry you are in such a bad spot. The situation is certainly unfair to you and is so reminiscent of an era gone by. It has got to be draining on your energy and spirit. Do you have a job? Have you suggested marriage counseling? You could try to be angry with him once in a while instead of being meek.

  7. 7 AMIT TANDON

    Hi

    Liked ur views.

    with luv
    amit

  8. 8 Rupali

    Hi,
    It all depends upon the upbringing of a person, the priority and the level of maturity of a person to handle life and relations… we cant make a hard and fast rule of anything.
    - RUPALI
    To you Rim.
    as a girl i understand- you need to act like Sherlock Homes,
    to solve your problems but first i would suggest you to make good friends , sometimes the obligations of a marriage and the expectations are so many… however to win your husbands love and avoiding any conflict dont say anything controversial, read a book named “tough times never last but tough people do”by Robert … Some author. It will generate positive attitude to face problems.
    Goodluck to you
    Rupali

  9. 9 Jayalaxshmi

    Hello,
    Yes, is issue is real. A woman who has been pampered from her family, needs to understand it is her family, blood relations.
    Her husband is another being.
    Yes, the words at marriage rite is REAL but she should have had the opportunity to see him in the presence of his family before committing.
    Love Marriage is there and REAL.
    But, your husband is your husband.
    Please if I may offer some sister advise.
    1. Accept him since you did promise to be his wife.
    2. Praise him in little things, his body size, the way he looks at you, his touch.
    3. make him number 1 in whatever you do.
    Truly please on my life’s essence I PROMISE YOU YOU WILL SEE A DIFFERENCE.
    4. Never EXPECT ANYTHING. - this is the most biggest trial — but you will see later.
    Yes he LOVES HIS MOM — AFTER ALL SHE SUFFERED LABOR PAINS TO HAVE HIM.
    But, you SLEEP WITH HIM. And that gives you more POWER IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
    But, you must be a TOTALLY WOMAN for HIM TO BE A TOTAL MAN.
    When he complements you == what you COOK , WEAR, SAY , YOU TOUCH
    remember it. Do it AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN.
    HE WILL CHANGE WHEN YOU CHANGE.

    TRUST ME ==== you will SEE A DIFFERENCE.
    I PROMISE
    NOW, PLEASE LEARN TO BE THE TOTAL WOMAN YOU WERE BEFORE MARRIAGE.
    AND SEE HOW HE WILL REMEMBER ———-WHY HE MARRIED YOU.

    ALL THE BEST,
    MY PRAYERS GO TO YOU
    JAYA

  10. 10 feroz

    i would like to read your article fromwhich i am getting feel true of messeges,it will help to manage my future.

  11. 11 sundari kannan

    dear sir,
    i have read through ur articles, and here i would like to mention that a book name MEN DONT LISTEN AND WOMAN CANNOT READ MAPS BY ONE BARBARA…is a must read to all the prospective groom and bride, to bring it in a nut shell, never expect ur husband to be a father figure as he is a mama’s boy and will never grow, and never expect a woman to be like ur mother, she is young and needs to grow up, if these can be known early the better for any marriage…regards sunkan my article on how we admire our men:How we admire our men:
    We woman have this eye for something beautiful and details and we want our men to look great who ever they are in our life, it could start with your father who is the first man in every woman’s life, then it goes on to brother, uncles, son, son in law, brother in law, I could go on, but the basic factor is the same when we look at them, we suggest better looking accessories, from their shirts, pants, shoes, ties, perfume, haircut, shaving or keeping a beard which suits them the most, in total we as woman love to be seen with men who are well dressed and it makes us feel great walking along with them. Small little gestures from them like a phone call to inform they have reached safely, or a thank you for the wonderful meal, a kiss dropped on the cheek or forehead, speak volume and if you are a lover, a good hug and a liplock takes you beyond your zenith in senses in a kiss. If they happen to fall sick, we are all over them picking up their meal, to take care of their comfort, getting them a hot water bag and a nice blanket, something soothing to ruffle their hair and relax them if we can, trying to switch on soothing music, or cooking their favourite, to pressing their body wherever it pains a good massage, giving them a haircut at home, pedicure is a definite when time is made for it. I have seen my sis plat my father’s long locks when young, we just want to be in constant touch with the human we love so much, we depress with them, uncontrollably though we read so many write ups to take care of the self, we are ridden with guilt to look happy when our guys are so sad, and happy when they are so bubbly, their exams, their interviews, office life…and mother hood is a different volume altogether in a woman’s life, when the child comes running to you after school and hugs u it is a god’s gift to us woman to enjoy their unconditional love, running behind them with stories to feed something which they like or may not like.. singing to put them to sleep.. I could go on, but the basic factor is woman are made the way they are, and tend to tangle and mingle more than they could keep away, and men who complain I know it is only in the surface and deep down they enjoy this attraction, it is just a small no no to his friends complaining, oh! She is all over me, is nothing but a farce but deep down they cant do without us, the more demanding you are the better is their senses….we are like the shark in the Japanese fish tank that keep them stimulated all their life….hahaha hope I am right here pals

  12. 12 vinin

    :razz_wp:

  13. 13 nagabhushnam

    okj aha good

  14. 14 Jay

    yeah its a nice article on marrriage….i’m not married yet but i’ve a plan to do this by year end…..i don’t know what will happen….as described by Rim its really an issues now a days…..and that also a love mariage….lets hope for the best….

  15. 15 manjunath

    I should be very good to all everytime. I should be graceful , cheerful , full of energy all time.Oh at times I am confused .At time I am frusted. Please help me. To your surprise we have gone for love marriage, and he was just the opposite before marriage. He says that now he has to tookfor so many people in family and I ought to be his last priority and always helping him rather than keep on expecting from him.Am I really wrong, Shouldn’nt I expect sharing of feelings and love :razz_wp:

  16. 16 ramanaraoyellayi

    Sir,
    today luckily seen your Infos@BharatMatrimony site and gone through the Matrimony express, bharat matrimony relationship blog. I read some. it is a very good blog and it is very useful to every reader who can read peacefully and understand the things. Shri PVS Giridhar, Legal Adviser’s article (Answers to questions)is very good and can easily understand the points. My best wishes to him through ur site. I am a widower of 1 year old, retired with no burdens. But now i am understanding how the life will be of a widower after his wife’s death. It is a hell. I pray God not to give a such punishment to any male married person like me. when i go through the BM links, 2 women candidates expressed their willingness to become as my life partner and later on they kept quiet and response from them. It hurted me like anything. atleast they should talk to me and then they can keep quiet. I need a life partner now to lead my ramining life peacefully with an understanding woman, eventhough she is an employee, i can assist her with love and effection. I don’t know when the luck comes to me? ramanarao, Visakhapatnam

  17. 17 pt.nk sharma

    Marriage is the desire of every one at a particular age but Indian philosophical idology yet believe that marriages are always fixed in heaven and executed on the earth at the time which is determined by almighty god and it can be calculated by stars position prepasred in form of horoscope on the basis of birth chart considerin time,date and place of birth of a human being.you may avoid it but it is Universal truth .The reason of your un believeness may due to contact of some proffessionals of low cadre or less knowledge.

    Pt. N.K.Sharma
    pt.nkss@yahoo.com

  18. 18 maheshchowdary

    ok good

  19. 19 sandeep singh dhanju

    i would like to read your article fromwhich i am getting feel true of messeges,it will help to manage my future.

  20. 20 tirath

    ok verry good

  21. 21 shraddha singh

    hi its very nice thought for ur article great i wish it will help to mnage my futurer
    :lol_wp:

  22. 22 pankaj soni

    sapne vo nahi hote jo sote samay dekhe jate hai sapne vo hote hai jo sone nahi dete.so love is drem

  23. 23 harika

    Hi

    an add on ..when you get a man….who says serve my sister and serve my mom….while the girl has dream of a man who just comes and shows her a castle where she is the queen…

    total contradiction for “before and after marriage scenario”…

    A red colored clad bride before marraige given a old and torn saree to become a future maid…

    that kind of a problem to be taken seriously….but by whom

    here victim and enemy are same…

    “WOMAN”

    Who will solve the problem

    “WOMAN”

    How?

    When the problem is in woman, searching the solution in man, defining how the husband is, is waste of time.

    Action:

    First.

    stop serving his sisters. They dont have husbands or what or you have to serve their husbands also? :-)

    second.

    Give a sanyasi dress, to your mother in law, and ask her to go to all punya kshetras, for 3 years, tell her she did a good job, by bringing her children, now she can go and have vacation. She can go with her husband, are if she does not like her husband, (one reason why she is so close to her son) she can go by herself, and you can give her all the finacial support.

    Third.

    Your husband. Last but not the least. Even if your mother in law is physically gone, your husband will long for her?
    Why? Because he is mentally dependent on her. Cut that connection. Mentally start supporting him. Dont wash and iron his clothes, keep a maid for that, you spend your time in decorating your self, shopping nice shirts for him, and spend time so that you both can go for dinners,

    Men should show you this kind of life, if not you have to show him what is life…

    you will be a mother in law one day….so this is your time…DONT WASTE IT.

    And one reason, why boys depend on their mother is, due to the inferiority complex. They fear redicule from their wife ( wife: one person in the whole world where they try hard to give a best possible picture of their identity)

    I think saying he is CLOSE to his mother is wrong.
    He is HIDING his personality with his mother.

    A mother plays a mojor role in convincing her son to enter confidently to his next phase of life of MARRIAGE,
    but when she fails, her failure should not be the suffering of another woman.

    But again why mother failed, same story “her husband”, did not support her or satisfy her enough…

    two disappointed people what they will talk and what they will do, spread their disappointment to another person…

    so stop the infection…and take charge of your life…

    sometimes life is a gift, if not, you have to go to the shop, get what you want , if not then, you have to make it by yourself,

    lucky people has life as a gift,
    Average people go to shop and get it,
    Hard working people work hard to make their lives better,
    Unlucky people waste their life staring how their life slips from their hand,

    So we know what we are, lets take care of ….. :-)

  24. 24 daksha

    this are nice thoughts to put in life..

  25. 25 Ratul

    I am eagre to make friendship

  26. 26 Sunil

    Typical middle class or old Hindi movie scenario is depicted here by few commentators.

    That is too childish to write and too much protection to the persons under the name of respect or respecting elders.

    So everything exists on this earth, only writers are not enough to describe each scene. Don’t see any end to it.

    Move out and live separately and in a healthy mind set.
    This is something against tradition, but then this something has to change for keeping healthy mind set.

  27. 27 sonu

    :lol_wp:

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