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Second time lucky?

6 Votes | Average: 4.17 out of 56 Votes | Average: 4.17 out of 56 Votes | Average: 4.17 out of 56 Votes | Average: 4.17 out of 56 Votes | Average: 4.17 out of 5 (6 votes, average: 4.17 out of 5)
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Second time lucky?If one were to go by Bollywood records, second marriages seem more successful than the first. Except for Aamir Khan whose marriage with Kiran Rao is allegedly in trouble, the others who’ve got onto the ‘second marriage’ bandwagon sure seem to be a happy lot (touch wood). Whether it’s Boney Kapoor with Sridevi, Vinod Khanna with second wife Kavita or Pankaj Kapur with Supriya Pathak, not to forget Mahesh Bhatt with Soni Razdan… everyone seems to have settled into an evidently perfect fit.  

If it is love that has brought two people together after an earlier not so lucky experience with marriage, then the second plunge is normally taken without hesitation. Sometimes, though a couple might seem to have a stable marriage, either the man or the woman falls in love with someone else. Super hero, Dharmendra’s romantic involvement and subsequent marriage with Hema Malini is a case in point.

However, for a man or woman who has been either ditched or betrayed in a marriage that invariably has soured somewhere along the line, the thought of a second marriage could be galling. It takes a lot of courage for such people to take another swipe at marriage if the first experience has been a bitter one. In fact a lot more than mere optimism is called for, if one wants to risk one’s freedom and future, when the chances of success may initially seem slender or even bleak.

Second marriages often bring to the fore, issues that may have never been discussed but which are generally inherent in a long-term relationship. Issues such as money, children from the first marriage, property, in-laws, sexual compatibility, habits and practices followed in the earlier marriage and the like. Minnie, a woman who walked out of her first marriage to marry a man who swept her off her feet, recalls how it never occurred to her to clarify such delicate matters. “I knew he had children, I was aware why his first marriage collapsed and all that, but somehow I could never bring myself to talk about money. That was the biggest mistake I made.

I later discovered there was money and property apportioned for everyone except me. I just did not figure in his scheme of things. Over a period of time, insecurity gripped me and when I finally decided to speak about it, I was accused of being materialistic.”

Some people believe that in second marriages, couples have a better chance of reaching that special level of understanding and maturity so necessary in a good marriage. One learns from mistakes and acquires the wisdom to avoid making the same mistakes. There is more give and take, more willingness to adjust and more sharing and listening here. The self-knowledge gained in the earlier experience makes for a greater understanding of each other’s needs. Still others claim it’s all a matter of luck. That second time round, lady luck might just know how to keep both hearts smiling forever!

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