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Why Divorce?


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Why Divorce?Marriage is a word that has not lost its meaning; it still means the union of two people, a union blessed with legal and social sanction. It is still perceived and meant to be a lifetime contract, an agreement meant to last forever. But times have evidently changed and those ‘they lived happily ever after’ endings are increasingly becoming a rarity. Divorce is no longer the ugly, unmentionable word it once was. Sometimes it waits silently by the door, biding its time and strikes unannounced.

What are the factors that make marriage vulnerable to divorce? Why is it becoming an increasingly inevitable phenomenon? And after divorce what? Who suffers more, the man, the woman or their offspring? Truth is, no can escape the pain.

Dr. Sharma, a longtime practising counselor feels: Relationships are a reflection of the changing faces of society. And marriage is unfortunately more vulnerable to the stresses and pulls of modern life. The issues that need to be thrashed out are often swept under the carpet and when it finally can’t be hidden anymore, a lot of ugly fights and conflicts ensue.

  • Disrespect for one’s partner
  • Unwillingness to accept ground realities
  • Incessant monetary problems
  • Inability to gain or regain the confidence of one’s partner
  • The other woman/man angle
  • Sexual incompatibility … are some of the main reasons that work against a stable marriage.

For any marriage, there is always a threshold of pain, so to speak. Once that threshold is crossed, the attempt to present a ‘we’re okay’ image to society is inevitably dropped. Nowadays women too consider divorce as an option when things spin out of control.

But what happens after a divorce is obtained? How does a woman put back the threads of her life together? Brinda Sukdev, a young housewife, can tell you it’s not really easy. Her husband put her through terrible anguish when he indulged in an affair at the height of Brinda’s pregnancy. She had been willing to forgive him but he could not give her an assurance that he would never be unfaithful again. Brinda finally asked for a divorce.

An undergraduate, she found it difficult to get an appropriate job but her persistence to live her life with dignity ultimately paid her dividends.  Brinda’s divorce affected her family quite deeply. Her younger sister had to be married off in a hurry to a much older man. Her parents refused to have anything to do with her.
 
The decision to part ways is always painful because it involves other interrelated attachments like children, parents, in-laws, friends and acquaintances. When a marriage ends, it ends for both partners. It cannot be that one gets to stay at a hill station while the other goes home.

The loss of a partner through divorce is like a serious bereavement. A deep blow that leaves an even deeper wound. Yet life must go on. Change is round the corner. Winter always turns to spring.

 

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