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Marriage and Romance

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Marriage and RomanceWhen two people fall in love, everything else takes a backseat. Feelings never experienced before come to the fore. Jealousy, possessiveness, insecurity… but most of all that exquisite sensation called passionate love. Everything is so wonderful. The touching of hands, the meeting of eyes, the need to hold, feel and the desire to be loved.  But what happens to love when marriage enters the scene?

“He is so wonderful that I feel I’m the world’s luckiest woman,” coos the coy bride of 15 days. “She is the best thing that has happened to me,” endorses her proud partner. Both are swathed in the thrilling novelty of  matrimony’s heady early days. Six months later, flattering superlatives give way to reality. He is not as gallant as he once seemed. Sans make-up, she appears quite ordinary. He is too involved in his office matters. She can’t cook as well as his mother.

The coy young bride in this case is Manju, a smart intelligent woman married to Sukshit, a debonair young man, very impressed by Manju’s intellectual prowess. They courted each other for six months. A whirlwind courtship. Spellbinding chemistry, not to speak of the passionate momentum of romance.  Sukshit, the wooer was an ardent lover of beauty. He couldn’t bear the thought of her being stared at by other men. She too was very proud of her man. Theirs seemed an ideal relationship. But marriage changed all that. Now their outings together became far and few between. His mother disapproved of all their lovey-dovey ways.

Why did love in the way they knew it, disappear so quickly? Was their roller-coaster romance to blame? Or was it the fact that they did not go through the normal progression of discovery?  “Marriage spoils romance,” claims Manju. However, their close friend Biswadeep, married now for about 7 years does not feel the same way. According to Biswadeep what jeopardizes marriage are power struggles which he feels ought to be negotiated with sensitivity and respect for each other. “The need to control is strong in most humans. A couple while courting may not like certain things in their partners but they believe marriage will change everything for the better. That seldom happens.”

Another factor that undermines marriage is incompatibility in basic values. When Asha a celebrated beauty married Subhu, the much sought after bachelor of her college days, she imagined that the fun and fiesta of their courting days would be a forever thing.
Are love and marriage truly incompatible? Or is it because couples find the geometry of compromise a bit too difficult to solve? “Millions of marriages have survived,” says Biswadeep.  True, but would these be anywhere close to what Phil Collins meant when he sang, “… anytime you want to, you can turn me on to…wouldn’t you agree, baby you and me have a groovy kind of love?”





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