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Infidelity - Is It Ever Ok?


12 Votes | Average: 4.17 out of 512 Votes | Average: 4.17 out of 512 Votes | Average: 4.17 out of 512 Votes | Average: 4.17 out of 512 Votes | Average: 4.17 out of 5 (12 votes, average: 4.17 out of 5)
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InfidelityTo this day, 6 years after it happened, Srikant feels he will forever remember the effect of that one phone call he received on that hot summer day. “Hello,” said the voice at the other end. “Do you know where your wife is right now?” the voice enquired. And then went on to reveal her whereabouts. Stunned, he called on her cell phone. No answer. It just kept on ringing. The servant at home had no clue either. A week later, the sordid details of her rendezvous with the new man in her life, spilled out of her and stained the landscape of a relationship which he believed had been stable and rock-solid.

“Why did you cheat on me?” he asked her only to be greeted by a wall of silence which nothing seemed capable of pulling down. Once it became clear that his wife had no intention of explaining anything, it was clear to Srikant that there was little either of them could do to salvage the marriage.

When Sukanya was faced with the devastating truth that her husband for whom she had risked everything, was about to dump her for a younger woman, she was terrified. She recalled her earlier miscalculations – her walking out of her first marriage, leaving her two kids behind as well as every claim to the security which had been hers by right. She recalled too, the words of her closest friend, “You must never seek to build your own happiness on the unhappiness of another,” and felt crushed by her sense of total loss.

Cheating may have many names – adultery, infidelity, unfaithfulness… but it all boils down to one thing. The act of investing in another person, the emotional and sexual energy that should rightly be focused on your partner.

When infidelity occurs, it usually happens because one of the partners reach beyond their marriage to seek solutions for their unhappiness.

Sometimes, a devoted spouse can be tempted to have an occasional fling and then be genuinely contrite about such an unthinkable lapse. Many people find themselves in marriages that are not good enough to stay nor bad enough to leave. What is the course open to such sufferers?

After all living life to our fullest is our first imperative and deepest need? If I cannot be happy myself, how can I make someone else happy?

Nevertheless, cheating on your spouse is not the happy solution it appears to be at first. Even if you do not get caught, someone always gets hurt in an adulterous relationship.

According to experts when infidelity takes place between couples with children, it impacts the entire family. “Children affected by a parent’s infidelity often grow up to be unfaithful to their own partners or have difficulty forming and maintaining trusting, intimate relationships.”

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Responses to Infidelity - Is It Ever Ok?

  1. 1 savitri singh

    :smile_wp:

  2. 2 Bob

    NOOOO!!!!! Cheating is NEVER ok. If u have a problem, seek help and if that doesn’t work, divorce the person.
    I believe you should do everything to save a marriage. Cheating only seems fun at first but rips u up in the end.

  3. 3 Manish

    very good and usefully

  4. 4 Dr. Neelam Tikkha

    WHO is responsible for Infidelity ? The partner who invests in another person, the emotional and sexual energy that should rightly be focused on his partner or the couple or the passive partner who does not respond to the needs of the adultere. Infedility is also a way of taking revenge because of dissatisfaction met out for some reasons by the spouse. There is a failure in communication .People take each other for granted and there is no feeding in to build up the relationship stronger and stronger . In india divorces are difficut and messy so people get involved in infidelity . Weak in themselves go for spurious relationship which they feel may put them in euphoric state and think might give them respite momentarily . They fail to realize that they are again riding the giant wheel that is going to lead them no where and will leave them a hollow tin man . Some people are of flirtatious in nature and for them variety is the spice of life .
    Infidelity can never be Ok . Open communication and less of expectations from each other will contribute to the strength in the relationship and build up rock solid faith in each other.

  5. 5 guy

    Some tips for women home makers to avoid men from being infidel :

    (a) Avoid pouring off all your small silly irritations on him as soon as reaches home. If you have something happy or funny to share, do it otherwise, just be quiet. He will definitely listen to you after sometime. It takes quite a while to unwind from office stress.

    (b) Listen to him (you need not absorb any of it) for sometime in a day. He will reciprocate.

    (c) Try to be crisp and clear about what you want. Do not beat around the bush to convey what you want to say. When you bring up a problem, also bring out a recommended solution. You own the solution to the problem as much as he does :)

    (d) Direct your anger to the right source. If you have an issue with a friend, deal it with her, getting angry on him doesn’t solve anything (atleast tell him the issue is with a friend and not him)

    (e) Try to be little careful about the way you spend. No doubt, every woman deserves the best and the most expensive of things, but your man might not be capable of getting it for you (talking into account that he needs to plan for his kids education and for your future). So understand his financial situation and then put up your demand for new jewelery. Don’t force him take the unrightful path (bribes?) to meet your need!

    (f) avoid comparing him with other men (especially what they do for their wife) as you don’t prefer to be compared to other ladies as to how they look!

    Of course, each man like a woman is unique. I believe that these would work in most scenarios.

  6. 6 Murali

    Hi everybody

    I also accept the authors view & i think most of the commentators accept the same.

    So be clear in going before (or) Stepping into a marriage life.

    All the best to all husband & wives (Live & Future)

  7. 7 Balaji P.Balachandran

    The article focuses much on the natuture of the problem and the harmful effects of the problem. Solutions are missing. I feel that adultery is probably happens as a result of unfulfilled needs or unmet expectations on either side. I think it is important, therefore, to invest time and effort before getting married in setting and sharing mutual expectations.
    There is also the persistant problem of a work life balance that usually leads to infedelity. This aspect also needs addressing and assesment on a ongoing basis.

  8. 8 Muzaffar Abbasi Kath

    I gone through the story and realised as the situation happened in front of me,and i learnt that none among the two partners should deceive each other,because importance of anything can be felt when u lose it.

  9. 9 Ram Singh

    1. I have known what infidelity in a partner is like.
    2. I was told by my trusted colegues that some thing was radically wrong at home, and that I should take time off from work.
    3. When I came home, all was really not lost.
    4. I found out all about my most beloved & trusted Wife of 8 year, regretfully from my Colegues.
    5. Then I confronted my Wife. All I ever wanted of her, was just an apology, and things would be the same again.
    6. She left me, and took along our loving Daughter. Never to come back.
    7. I met her subsequently in Family Court.
    8. When I analyse things, now, after going through it all, I feel the following:
    a. Times have changed, and as a responsible Parent, never interfere in your Child’s relationships, directly. Warn him/her about the consequences, but do not interpose yourself. This helps develop a normal sexuality in the Child.
    b. As a responsible Parent, never impose a marriage on your child. Indian Woman is no more what she used to be 50 years ago. An imposed marriage will later lead to adultry & the trauma of divorce.
    c. Never come between your child & his/her spouse, in case of any family dispute. Let them solve it themselves.
    d. Always smile at your Child & her Spouse, and impress on them that you are secondary to their requirements. This will make them more confident.
    e. Most important of all today is to remain gentle in an era of violence. Try to forgive your Spouse in case you discover adultary, and try to talk it over. In case you feel helpless, consult a marriage counsellor or a Psychiatrist. Still things do not work, then file for seperation.
    f. Even when you seperate, it is important in the interest of children to remain friendly & on talking terms to your spouse.
    g. Please remember, adultry is nice & enjoyable, but the trauma of being wrenched out of life by a Divorce is very, very painful.

  10. 10 sachin sharma

    It,was indeed nice reading this colum of yours on this quite sensitive issues on the infidelity and on the adultery.I suggest,if possible you must write,infor more of such articles on these issues to create more awareness and also one is updated.

  11. 11 yash

    some time some people feel that sex is the only thing in the world so if dissatisfied gets into this infidelity business, i know sumebody who apart from her husband has many friends to satisfy its needs…… for them they are least bothered of the life its going to take them…..

  12. 12 sudha

    it was a very sensitive article.what do you say when you love someone and he gets married and promises to continue with you also.what is it.

  13. 13 Dr. Neelam Tikkha

    Yash comment is very correct . Many people just don’t think about sex as integrally linked with love . It is just a need and they need to satisfy themselves. It is also a way of climbing in jobs .
    Neelam Tikkha

  14. 14 kumar

    Why it happens? only unsatified marriages?! or for fun!!
    I am married second time because of infidilty, I had children, I had to sacrifice lot of money, social agony, married again and then what. As i gave away lot of money to firt wife for divorce, second one is married just for my money, what should i do ? i have one daughter with second wife, any advise!! i am already 45,

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