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Does a happy marriage depend on making the right choices


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DivorceThe inspiration to write this article came from reading a blog where this apparently cool, composed woman with a successful career is seeking help to decide whether she should give priority to her career and the material luxuries it offers or her marriage, which she says is on the rocks.

They hardly have the opportunity to spend quality time together. Both work in BPOs. Most of the month they work night shifts. Sex is non-existent in the relationship. The house can be best described as extremely disorganized. The husband who once seemed to be her heartthrob now seems to be a “nit-picking” pain. As if this is not enough, her husband wants a baby. And says that even if it means her giving up her job he’s fine with it.

According to a recent survey conducted in Chennai, the city is home to over two lakh IT and BPO professionals. And they account for about forty percent of the divorce cases filed in the family courts of the metropolis. According to psychologists and family counselors, because of the nature of their jobs, the high pressure involved, these young people become hyper sensitive. And by the time they reach their mid thirties, they experience extreme physical and mental fatigue. The picture is not very different in other staes. Interestingly, it has been observed that the number of cases filed by women is also on the rise.  Other factors that contribute to marital discord are the nuclear family structure, highly demanding lifestyles and workplace tensions.

I was not in complete agreement with the data that I had collected because I have very happily married friends who work in the IT and BPO sector.  Shalini and Ashish for instance have been married for about seven years. Though they agree that they lead very hectic lives and don’t spend enough time together, it has in way hampered their relationship as a couple. They say that of course the kind of money we make gives us access to a fairly enviable lifestyle, but we hold the traditional values of marriage are bonding for life. So, if we feel that our marriage is threatened we will do what it takes to set things right. Even if it means one of us having to give up our jobs.

So, I guess it is a combination of factors that will determine your measure of marital bliss. Your priorities, values and your actions (which is governed by the other two factors). In essence if your looking for a solution this thought could help you get started - “The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.”

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