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Fights - The “spark factors” of a relationship

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FightsHuman relationship is such a paradox. While on the one hand you are expected to have this harmonious relation with your spouse on the other hand almost everybody who has been in a meaningful and “alive” relationship, swears by the importance of occasional fights and arguments from time to time.

According to Aruna, “they are the spark factors in a relationship. In fact, I think making up after a fight is not just romantic but it also one occasion that helps to futher cement the bonding between two partners.” Most others I spoke to seemed to have the same view. But, you need to look out for the frequency of  occurrence of the fights and also the nature of intensity. There is no better way to explain this than the old saying; too much of anything is bad.

Here are some time tested and tried, never failing recipes for utilizing fights to increase the spark factor and add zing to your relationship.

  • Varun and Smriti say,” initially whenever we had an argument it just didn’t seem to end and there was no scope for the making up as each one of us was caught up in ending up being the winner-the one who is right. Then on a certain occasion I discovered how magically an argument can make way for the most romantic evening.” It was a Sunday and we were arguing about whether it is a better idea to wake up early or laze around in bed till we could take it no more. Since it was Smriti’s idea to wake up early she did so without forcing Varun to do the same. And Varun genuinely felt bad that she had gone about doing all the things which would have been such a joy doing together(he knew that that’s what she actually wanted) and yet greeted him cheerfully. So, he did everything to make that day a milestone event in their relationship.
  • Quite often though an argument between spouses may seem related to a particular issue like finances, sex, career etc. Yet, on taking a closer look you will find that the fight or the argument is usually triggered of by a deeper emotional issue. Sometimes, watching your spouse being friendly with other women may make you feel uncomfortable. And this discomfort may manifest itself in a fight that does not deal with the parent issue directly. So, it is a good idea to talk to each other directly and honestly express your feelings.
  • Don’t be hurtful purposely.
  • Remember that your feelings are not the only ones that matter in a relationship. So, think of the situation from both perspectives.
  • Sometimes the whole charm of making up is lost because each one of us waits for the other person to make the first move. Don’t let your ego come in the way. Actually it doesn’t really matter who made the first move as long as it results in a satisfying outcome.
  • Don’t hesitate to apologise if you think one or another of your actions or speech requires you to do so.
  • Make sure that you make it very clear to your partner that no matter what you still love and care for him just the way you did.
  • Accept that the fight or the argument was not exclusively the fault of your partner. You too were responsible for the fall out.

Here are some simple ideas for spicing up your “making up” sessions:

  • Cooking up a surprise meal comprising of your spouses favorite dishes.
  • Making passionate love according to some people is a great expression of forgiveness, understanding and companionship.
  • Plan an evening together at your favourite hangout.
  • Any other uninhibited way of expressing your love for your spouse works well!

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