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Intimacy and the power of touch

25 Votes | Average: 4.32 out of 525 Votes | Average: 4.32 out of 525 Votes | Average: 4.32 out of 525 Votes | Average: 4.32 out of 525 Votes | Average: 4.32 out of 5 (25 votes, average: 4.32 out of 5)
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The Power of TouchGiven the constraints and inhibitions that we grow up with in our society, it is rare to find married women openly talking about something that has always been kept under wraps. Yes, I’m talking about sex.

Honestly, even though there is a surfeit of sexual innuendos and blatant suggestive behaviour that happens in and around us, an open and mature discussion about sex, hardly ever takes place.

So I was more than mildly surprised when a conservative colleague of mine broached the subject without warning, at the lunch table. We had been discussing the fast approaching marriage of her younger sister when she said, “I hope she doesn’t have my problem.”  Mistakenly assuming that it must be some dowry problem, I was on the verge of vehemently opposing any such demands when she said, “Dowry is a small thing. That can be settled, this way or that. I’m talking about sex.”

For some time an awkward silence hovered over our lunch boxes till my colleague began to speak again. “Like all young women from my kind of background, I had a very vague idea about sex and what it involves. I imagined romance and sex were one. But it’s not like that at all. Romance is forgotten within a short time of marriage and sex dominates big time. My sister too is like me. And I’m afraid she’ll do something drastic when she discovers romance has nothing to do with sex.”

From what I gathered afterwards, my colleague was facing a problem that frequently afflicts long-term relationships and escalates into gnawing dimensions, if not identified, quickly addressed and discussed across well oiled communication channels.

Fact is that an active sex life invariably helps both husband and wife to feel connected at a deep level. It is such a beautiful connection that it goes well beyond arguments, small nagging problems and the nitty-gritties of daily life.

Some marriage experts believe that human sexuality is inherently flexible and variable which is why no couple can ever vouch for equal desire or performance guaranteed to achieve orgasm and provide mutual satisfaction. There are good sex days and not so nice ones just like there are good hair days and bad hair days.

An erotic marriage is the ideal way to be I guess. And an involved sexual partner is a dream mate because sex then becomes a shared pleasure. But to achieve this level of intimacy the couple needs to enjoy emotional intimacy in order to be comfortable with each other while having sex. Making love doesn’t have to be a frenetic exercise or an endeavour to finding a place in the Guinness Book of records for uninterrupted orgasms. It is more like a gentle, caring journey into the sea of intimacy.

I have a friend whose marriage is something we (all her close friends) secretly aspire to have. Sharing a day with her husband and her is like knowing the experience of what it is to be ‘two but not two’.

According to her, the best kind of sexually intimate relationships begin from knowing how to touch each other. Touch that is playful, affectionate, sensual, erotic and above all comfortable, holds the key to building and maintaining sexual desire.

Research too shows that there is more to real sex than intercourse and orgasm. Desire, intimacy and the intent to give and receive pleasure are far more important.

An integral component of shared pleasure is your own acceptance of your body with all its imperfections. It helps you to offload your inhibitions and self-consciousness and enjoy a marriage where there is considerable room for experimentation.

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Responses to Intimacy and the power of touch

  1. 1 aliasgar

    you have touched on a sensitive subject, but in a matured way. keep it up

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