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The Last Bachelor

4 Votes | Average: 4.5 out of 54 Votes | Average: 4.5 out of 54 Votes | Average: 4.5 out of 54 Votes | Average: 4.5 out of 54 Votes | Average: 4.5 out of 5 (4 votes, average: 4.5 out of 5)
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Last BachelorManish finishes work at 7 p.m on most days. After that, he is free to explore the city of Lucknow if he so wants. These days, he is finding it hard to exercise that freedom. “It was fine till my friend Bharat got married,” he says. “We usually had an agenda for the evening – eating ‘chaat’, going for a drink or a movie or dinner, or driving a little out of the city – depending on our mood and budget, there was always something to do. Now that he is married, he is as welcoming as ever. Even his wife is friendly, and always invites me home. Its just that I feel awkward to always ask for his company after office, when his wife and him also get time together only then.”

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Manish’s predicament is not such a rare one. In each group of friends or contemporaries who start out as bachelors together, there is always a pressure that builds up when each member begins to get married. “I had myself decided that I would not get married till I am at least 33,” says Deepak, a young man working in a transport company. “I thought it will take that much time for me to settle, get a proper salary, a good place to stay. I have a lot of family responsibilities too. But now, I’m just turning 28, and already three of my best friends are married. I don’t care about their decision, but everyone around me now seems to want me to get married – family, boss, married friends – all of them asking the same question!”

A man derives a lot of comfort from his buddies – men friends with whom he is just used to ‘hanging out’. While men rarely engage in the intense heart-to-heart talks that characterize friendships between women, male bonding is deep and sincere. Men feel close to each other even if they are both silently watching a movie or a match together. Marriage puts a different take on such bonding. When one man has a wife waiting for him at home rather than parents, relatives or siblings, the need for him to go home is much stronger than in the days when both, he and his friend were bachelors together.

It is not as if male bonding ends with marriage. The relationship takes a different form after marriage has claimed all the friends in a group. Closeness continues, now with the shared concerns of marital rows or tiffs, parenting and other experiences. But there is a definite dip in intimacy when one friend has stayed a bachelor, and another has got married.

“It’s a natural thing,” says Manish. “I don’t have any resentment about it. After all, now his concerns are different from mine – he has to worry about every little thing. But sometimes, I really miss our carefree days together.” For Deepak, the combined effort to get him married smacks of conspiracy. “What if I don’t want the comforts of a married home? If I am content with my small room and weekly visits to parents? Can people force me just by getting married themselves?”

Brave words, but they will sound more convincing if Deepak survives the next year without getting married. As for current indications, it seems as if he will soon succumb to the lures of family and friends, at least, that is what his determined sister-in-law informs me.

After all, it isn’t easy to be the last bachelor standing!

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