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To lie or not to lie - that is the question

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LiesThe Telegraph reported the case of a couple where the wife, a twenty seven year old lady and the husband, a young man aged thirty two were chatting with each other under pseudo names. The couple poured their hearts out to each other about how each one of them was stuck in an unhappy marriage.

Then came a time when they came so close to one another that they decided to meet and take things forward. But, when they did meet hell broke loose as each of them accused the other lying and cheating the other.

This example might be a little extreme albeit it is true and in the cyber age it is probably not uncommon. However, what is striking is the fact that couples who are looking for comfort outside their respective marital relationships are not lying about their problems but they are lying about their reactions to the situation.

Research has shown that one of the most important reasons why people lie to each other in a relationship is because they want to keep their sense of self intact.

They don’t like to believe the truth about themselves. So, they keep repeating the lie that they want to believe. The Greek word for truth is “alethia” which literally means “not to hide”. So, it naturally follows that to lie is to “conceal the truth”. And this is precisely what many people do. They tell half-truths which is synonymous to white lies. In a relationship this is the most common form of lying. Partners often say they use white lies to prevent hurting the spouse.

For instance, Raghavan says, “the most difficult question that I have to answer truth fully almost once every week in my life is when my wife dons on the latest addition to her wardrobe and asks “How does this look on me?” I have to be honestly dishonest sometimes so as to not hurt her feelings.”

However, sometimes people lie out of desperation to preserve the picture of the “perfect marriage” that they presume they have. Mr. Verma (name changed on request) has been romantically involved with a lady colleague (also married) for the last three years. But both of them say they just “like to find a little peace and excitement (which is lacking in their respective marriages) without rocking the boat.” “We have a prestigious position in society and we don’t want our actions to impact our reputation or the lives of our children.”

Soman argued that sometimes it is wise not to tell the truth to your partner because he/she will not understand. And this misunderstanding will lead to a series of unhappy events. “I don’t even want to call it telling lies; I would rather say twisting the truth just a little bit can give you freedom from all the emotional hassles and keep the relationship peaceful.” A lot of other young men seem to agree to this philosophy.

No matter what is the reason for lying to one’s partner, it is evident that no healthy relationship can thrive on a foundation of lies. Besides, anybody who resorts to telling lies is in actual fact trying to escape from taking responsibility of his/her actions.

It is advisable to face the consequences that may arise out of telling the truth because once your partner finds out, your relationship with your him/her suffers a huge setback. Sometimes partners find it difficult to forgive each other and then the relationship is surely headed for the rocks. At other times they try to make amends but the zing factor disappears from the relationship for ever.

So, build a relationship based on trust and watch your relationship blossom!

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