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Life does give you a second chance

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Second chanceWhat are the main differences between first and second marriages? Well, it might seem a simple enough question to answer but, as you delve deeper into the subject you will discover the contrary. For starters- all second marriages come with some sort of emotional baggage. Secondly, most come with children- both little and grown up. Thirdly, finance and inheritance. So, when put in a nutshell we can say that getting married a second time is far more challenging.

I remember how hard I had swallowed to get rid of that lump in my throat when I came to the part in Oliver’s Story where after spending the night with his new found love Oliver is sitting alone by the lake. His lady love puts his arms around him understandingly and says, ‘I know you’re feeling bad because you thought of Jenny (his wife who had passed away) when we were together last night. But it really is alright. I understand’. And while continuing to stare at the lake Oliver replied, “no I am feeling bad because I didn’t think of her.” Well, that is lesson number one, if you are contemplating starting a new relationship, do not look for familiarity. Because, no relationship can be replaced. Only new ones can be built. And comparing or looking for glimpses of the old relationship in the new one will only result in unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

Life has been a walk down a long, lonely road for Namita after she separated from her husband Gautam after trying very hard to save the marriage. It seemed she was leading a Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hide kind of existence. During the day when she was at work everything seemed just the way it had always been. But, as the sun set and it was time to go back to her empty home she would start to panic. And a tired, drained and frightened Namita would turned the key to let herself in and then as she closed the door behind her it seemed as if the familiar world just faded away.

In its place she came face to face with a dark, cold, unwelcoming place where the happy chatter of yesteryears had been replaced by deathly silence.  But, it had never occurred to Namita to start afresh till she met Manoj. She had known Manoj for many years. And he seemed to be the one who she could reach out to whenever she needed help or information. Slowly, Manoj became an indispensable source of strength and support.

Her friends found Namita comparing Manoj to Gautam on several occasions. And nobody was surprised when they decided to tie the knot. It’s been a year since the incident and the couple is happy. According to them, it is a good idea to give a new relationship enough time to blossom on its own.

Meera who had starting up troubles in her second marriage confides, “the kind of relationships we had with our parents, the way the household was run during our growing up years has deep rooted impact on our present relationships. So, it helps greatly to understand your new partner’s expectations from the relationship if one has an understanding of the dynamics of one’s second husband/wife’s roots.

Mouli says, “when it comes to marital bliss, compromise is the key word. This holds good irrespective of whether it is ones first or second marriage.” Discuss children (custody/visitations) and finances clearly before you tie the knot.

Treat each other with respect. Learn from the past and above all be patient and give the relationship time.

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