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Keeping your marriage evergreen


8 Votes | Average: 4.25 out of 58 Votes | Average: 4.25 out of 58 Votes | Average: 4.25 out of 58 Votes | Average: 4.25 out of 58 Votes | Average: 4.25 out of 5 (8 votes, average: 4.25 out of 5)
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Couple watching TVA good marriage is like old wine. It can only get better with time. But, often we find the “ fizz factor” dying out and the relationship falls flat. Couples continue in their marriages for reasons which are very different from the initial reason that made them decided to spend their life together.

Marriage usually starts out as an exciting journey. A journey of discovery that is full of the promises of eternal bliss and togetherness. As time goes by couples find that the nitty gritties of everyday living encroaches on their marriage and life becomes difficult and devoid of all charms.

Now marriage is no different from any other relationship that you may have. So, the same rules apply. If it is something you value you’ve got to nurture it to watch it blossom into a full fledged paradise of conjugal harmony.

Remember the old adage, “familiarity breeds contempt?’ Well, when relationships become predictable, they seize to be exciting. Because, there is nothing really to look forward to. Venkatesh says, “I remember the times when she used to call me up at lunchtime everyday to find out if I had eaten. Its been a long time since I got that call from her. Even when we are together at home it seems like we exist in two separate worlds. Its not like we’re not interested but something seems to have changed dramatically.’ Seema who was listening quietly all this while now pipes in,” I guess Venky’s right. We just don’t seem to be able to connect in the way in which we once did.”

Here is a suggestion that might help you rediscover the lost connection.

Take active interest in something that your spouse finds interesting. During their courtship years Mahesh would miss his favourite soccer match to be with Mohana. But things have changed after three years of marriage. Initially this resulted in the couple arguing and not talking to each other for days. But, Mohana decided to heed the advice of her friend Deepa. She started taking active interest in the game. And lo and behold Mahesh just can’t wait to watch the next match with her.

Nina Singh who is a marriage counselor says, “Very often we get so used to each other that we become insensitive to the needs of our partners. We do not feel the need to discuss with each other. And when this continues over a period of time, sometimes it is misunderstood as lack of concern and caring. And this leads to the couples drifting apart.”

The solution to this one is to make an attempt to find out what your partner feels. Yes it maybe true that you know him like the back of your hand. But, it makes him/her feel wanted and cared for. Nivedita says,” Before when we got back from work it was almost customary to ask the other person how was his day. Soon I found that Rahul just didn’t want to know any more. He just didn’t ask. So, hurt and rejected I stopped asking as well.”

Madhu and Rajesh unanimously agree that yes they’d like to bring back the fire in the relationship but, no matter what they plan it is always the stress and constant feeling of being on the run that gets the better of them. A story that many, many people were able to relate to.

So, here’s the solution. Remember if there’s something that you want really badly. You’ll stop at nothing to get it. Make your relationship your priority and just watch problems like these just melt away.

Another warning sign to lookout for is negative criticism. Couples forget to be tolerant of each other. There is a lot of negative criticism. Anna and Pradeep had invited some old friends over for tea. Somebody wanted something and when Anna hastily rose to her feet to get it, the lady said “don’t bother I’ll ask Pradeep. He’s in the kitchen anyway.” Anna looked at the lady and sarcastically remarked,” well you’ll be surprised at how little he knows about where things are in his own house.” A sure sign that the relationship has lost the feeling of oneness.

In such a situation the way to get back on track would be first consciously acknowledge that this is not desirable behaviour. Then one of them has to make the first move and use positive strokes.

Last but not the least, remember that the spark did not disappear overnight therefore, no matter what you do it will not come back in a jiffy. So be patient. Do not make demands on your partner. Instead try requesting. Over and above rediscover the joy and happiness you brought each other. The very essence for your togetherness!

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