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What happens when your husband disappoints you?

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DisappointmentYou feel let down because you expected in the first place. Expectations happen only when we are secure about the relationship. There is an element of  ’taking for granted’ when there is intimacy, involved.

Disappointments happen only when there are unrealistic expectations. Just like imagination has no boundaries, expectation has no limits. Adding fuel to the fire is the fantasy fiction and celluloid drama that can fan the angst of failed expectations.

Radhika was jolted out of her reverie when Bhaskar became the ‘typical husband’. Definition of ‘typical’ being – get up, go to work, come back late and relax at home. Their typical conversation started with ‘what’s for breakfast and ended with have you paid the bills’. While she stewed being at home, he was happy outside working. Or so she thought.

What Radhika was missing was the romance. What she failed to realize was Bhaskar’s job was high pressured and involved late hours.

Radhika and Bhaskar are examples of what many couples face in present scenario. While there was plenty of time for romance during the courtship, where did it all go after marriage?

Courtship is a testing ground to understand a relationship before making it permanent. The time spent is limited and each returns to their respective homes later. But when both live under the same roof and share space then the problem arises.

Sort out differences by talking i.e. talking to each other and not to his or her friends. When you talk to others about your problems –it is information passed on that all is not well at your home front. Confide if you must to somebody reliable and not to all your acquaintances.

Pouring your heart out will be cathartic and help get it off your chest. But just bemoaning on the situation will not help you. Instead, pull yourself and ask valid questions – prioritise your expectations and express it to your partner.

There is no problem that cannot be worked out provided we set our mind to finding a solution. Assess realistically and allow for concessions. If your objective is to stay together, talk and get the problem sorted. If either of the partners clams up then it is road to perdition.

Too many marriages end in divorce because the couples have failed to talk. Don’t waste time by slinging abuses and accusations. Use time constructively to resolve the issue.

One simple but effective approach would be to be objective about the issue. Put this ‘issue’ on spotlight (metaphorically speaking) and debate it. Work out a schedule, to start with and figure out how to rectify differences. It might seem ridiculous at first to be doing this exercise. But, it will at least take the tension out of your system.

Most problems get blown out of proportion because it is bottled up. There is no outlet to vent your steam. Contrarily if you put things in perspective the situation might look less gruesome.

However, it is easier said than done. But try it and your persistence will be rewarded.

Marriage is like a sapling that needs constant nurturing. If untended will wither away. Giving too much attention will make it rot. Allow for space in the relationship and decide to make it work. Give it your best short.

Marriage should not break because you have failed to make an effort. Make room for disappointments, they are bound to happen. But, also prepare to take steps to minimize them because it is in your hands to allow the disappointment to either smother you or make you go forward.

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