In today’s world that boasts of state of the art communication technology, the communication between hearts seem to be taking a back seat. And it is probably this lack of effective communication that is leading to the weakening of bonds between couples.  Words as we all know have the power to lift us up, pull us down, wound us deeply or heal our hearts. They have the power to make or break confidences, strengthen relationship bonds or wreck them.

The well known English novelist Dinah Maria Mulock Craik described the absolute importance of communication in the growth and development of a relationship in the following words, “ Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts or measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a fruitful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.’

In a nutshell, effective communication is the life blood of a blossoming relationship. It helps couples to stay connected, have an opportunity to express and be heard without being judged or penalized, to see and try to understand a situation from another’s perspective as well as explore and discover amicable solutions to existing problems.

Think of the times when you were dating. Or the first year of your marriage. You will find that between then and now there has been one dramatic change and that is the regular and animated communication that you had has become more passive and mundane. Rani recollects, “I used to wait for the time when Rahul and I would talk about our respective days over a cup of coffee. We still sit with our cups of coffee but the conversation more often than not is about things that need to be done, planning, finances and very little to do with us. I sometimes feel that we have lost “us” in the nitty-gritty’s of everyday living.”

I thought the very phrase “lost us” said it all. We seem to change our priorities as we go through our lives. And a few years into the marriage and the priority of the couple changes from building a loving relationship to running of the house and bringing up the children. They forget that while both the pre mentioned activities are important, it is equally important not to forget or neglect the relationship which is the reason why you are together. A great way to address this issue is to set time apart everyday to do things together. Simple everyday things like having a meal, going for a walk or watching a television show together. Interaction will lead to communication.

Sometimes couples use honest communication as an excuse for being hurtful and unkind. This is something that one needs to consciously avoid.  We need to remember, “The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”

The most important thing to remember when communicating with your partner perhaps cannot be presented better than the way it has been in the book of Corinthians in the Bible. Just stick to these principals and you can’t go wrong. “Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, it rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Speaking of communication one cannot forget that only seven percent of the communication process is verbal. So, when it comes to effectively communicating with your spouse lay equal emphasis on non-verbal communication like- a kind look, a smile, or a gentle touch!