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Causes and Concerns for being Indecisive

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IndecisivenessTo be or not to be? – A question made Hamlet a tragic hero. However in real life it is not so. But that is fiction. Facts are never this kind. To be undecided is not going to make you a martyr. Why then do we have a narcissistic tendency to procrastinate? Why do we have cats on the fence, when they could be better off it?
“One of the key reasons for being indecisive”, explains Latha Nithyanand, clinical psychologist, “is fear of responsibility.”

When you decide then you have to face the consequences. It is this fear that makes most men avoid taking decisions. Ironically, men can be great achievers in the professional front, but become withdrawn in the personal side. This could also be attributed to the mental make-up of men, says Latha. Unlike women who prefer to thrash the issue and talk about it , men prefer to internalize things and this `retreat into the cave attitude’ makes them stall rather than go for it.

Indecisiveness is a flaw that could prove disastrous unless rectified. Nip this quality in the bud. Shyam was in love with his colleague Sneha. However, he never conveyed his feelings to her. In the end, Sneha got married to another guy. A few years later upon perchance meeting when Sneha got to know about Shyam’s feelings, her only regret was that he had not opened up to her. Had he done so she would have definitely reciprocated.

Latha also adds that decision-making and taking responsibility have to be inculcated right from a young age. Children have to be taught to think for themselves and allowed to take decisions to make them realize their responsibilities. They need to be aware of the consequences of their actions even from an early age. Only then will they grow up to be responsible adults.

Therefore decision making and lack of it has its roots in early childhood. In autocratic upbringing parents decide everything for the child. The child growing into adult prefers somebody else making the decision.

Another common reason for procrastination is fear of failure. People hesitate to take a decision for fear of it being wrong. Their attitude becomes defensive – it is better not taking a decision rather than take a wrong one. This will not help in the long run.

There is an element of risk in any decision making and it is better to approach it with a positive attitude. This will help in making you a more responsible person in control of your life.

Mani and Priya got married and then problems started. Priya believed in confrontation and solution approach; while Mani preferred the wait and watch game. He believed that by not reacting to things it would solve by itself. This divergent view points often led to difference of opinion, quarrels and squabbles. In the end it became a full blown ego bashing. Accusations against each other became the order of the day. She called him a  wimp and he called her a shrew. The person who got caught in this crossfire was their kid.

People say Time is a  great solver. In fact there is many who believe that time will set things right at its own course. The question then is – at what cost?

Rome was not built in a day. Patience is indeed a virtue that needs to be practiced. Mani needs to address his indecisiveness while Priya needs to make allowances for his procrastination. This does not mean she has to tolerate his indecisiveness. She needs to make him see reason. Impress upon him the consequences of  being indecisive. With constant communication and positive frame of mind this habit of shirking responsibilities can be overcome.

After all Rome did get built into a great empire!

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