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Author Archive for Devika Archive Page 5

Getting married? Get your finances together!

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FinanceHere’s a puzzle. I spoke to several couples about the “money” side of marriage, and naturally, got a varied picture, BUT….surprise surprise, in spite of the fact that most were modern, progressive couples, and considering this is supposed to be the age of materialism and go-getting pushiness, it amazed me to find that money was the one thing most newly weds or veterans were a little delicate about!

Ram, a senior advertising executive, says that although both he and his wife work, they have separate accounts, and in actual fact neither knows exactly what the other earns! And it isn’t an issue either. Both earn more than their joint needs require, so after contributing for the home, each gets to keep their own portion, to spend or save, as they please.

Oorna, a creative person in an ad agency says almost the same – she and her husband both contribute. Even for their wedding, while the parents took care of the traditional stuff, the couple spent on their little extras – the honeymoon, doing up the apartment…other touches.

Sumathi, married nearly 10 years, says that although she also works, her husband is still very traditional and ‘male’ about carrying the financial burdens. He insists on paying for all essentials and she is free to spend on an old parent, a piece of art, gifts, new furnishings or other optionals.

Mathew is quite clear that whatever he earns must be handed over to his wife who is the saving savvy person and who makes the money go a long way, spending wisely and well!

In very many cases, the initial concept of saving or investment comes from a parental source – bonds, shares, a deposit etc, invested by a parent for the young couple. Most couples take a little time to get around to deciding what to invest in, what to save for and how.

Ten Small Steps to happiness

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HappinessDid you think achieving happiness involved going away on a 10-day meditation trip, or emigrating…or changing jobs at the very least??  It’s really much simpler than that. Getting a few small corners of your life and mind in order is all it takes to prepare the ground for lasting joy and the ability to get the most out of each moment…and if you’re expecting some really tough or philosophical advice, you are in for a pleasant surprise………….

1. TIDY UP! Sounds crazy? It isn’t. Think of all the times you got late, or messed up your day because you couldn’t find a key, a document, your specs, a ticket or something you really needed. You will probably think – hey big deal, we lose things all the time, what difference does that make? Think again. When you lose things, you experience stress and worry. You waste a whole lot of time searching. Many people mess things up further while searching for things. And always at the back of your mind there is that nagging “where did I put…” thought. So just allot places for things. Dump them in those spots when you are hurried, but take time to really put away once a week. Soon it becomes a habit and you will be surprised at how much easier life gets.

So you got dumped…

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Got Dumped?Some people bunk work, stay in bed, neglect themselves and indulge in a deluge of self pity. Others get the battle light in their eyes and launch themselves on a shopping spree to end all shopping sprees, or (if male) an orgy of workouts, leaving trails of smoke as they tear their way through the gym. Still others turn quiet, cut off from friends, become almost reclusive and touchy.

What do they have in common? They ‘got dumped’ - to put it crudely.

You can read the signs a mile away. “We realised we weren’t ready for commitment”.
“ He had some relationship issues” “She needs to work through her past”…these are all the cool cover-ups to what is really a very painful and stressful situation-breaking up. The thing about breaking up is that it is rarely an equal, two-sided business; usually there is one person being left by the other, whatever the reason. And as common as the situation is, and however much people may use the right words to make it all sound okay, the fact is, that it usually leaves the person who is being left, raw, unsure and downright ego-battered.

So you got dumped. What do you do about it?
To start with, just accepting the fact involves some serious moving on. Once you get past the anger, the tears, the denial, you end up face to face with the fact that someone didn’t love you enough to stay with you. Of course the world has around 7 billion people who don’t want to be romantically involved with you and you don’t care, but this is different – someone who fell for you, chose you, experienced a relationship with you – has decided to opt out. Ouch. But once you face the fact you are halfway there. Next step is to figure why – often people try to make others inadequate…you aren’t attentive enough, you are too hung up on your work, you are too much of a flirt, you aren’t allowing your partner enough space. Some of this could be true, but some could actually reflect the other’s inadequacies – maybe he or she has a problem handling real relationships. Once you think about it in a calm manner, you may even figure out that it wasn’t necessarily something YOU lacked; quite the contrary.

Waiting Room Blues

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I didn’t think there was such a thing as ‘Waiting Room Etiquette’ until I had a really long wait to see a very popular doctor the other day. Here I was forced into an awareness of an amazing group of people I have now come to think of as the Waiting Room Horrors.To begin with, they stand out by the way they sit (!).

There were sofas lining three walls, and I noticed many people sprawled on them in such a way as to take up three people’s space per person. They took no notice of tottery senior citizens looking bemusedly around for a place to sit, till some pre-historic creature like myself offered them a seat.