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Author Archive for Scharada Dubey Archive Page 1

Tips To Deal With Mother-In-Law


9 Votes | Average: 4.33 out of 59 Votes | Average: 4.33 out of 59 Votes | Average: 4.33 out of 59 Votes | Average: 4.33 out of 59 Votes | Average: 4.33 out of 5 (9 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
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Mother-in-lawsI was overwhelmed by the response to my post ‘The Mother-In-Law Matter’ which still continues to draw comments. Since this is apparently a matter very close to people’s hearts, I am inspired to write a sequel for your consideration – some tips for dealing with mothers-in-law.

In dealing with your mother-in-law, never strive for nobility, only for common sense. Remember that your mother-in-law is an old hand at proving to the world how right she is. If you get into the game of trying to win the moral high ground, you will lose.

Your attempt should be to prove to the world and yourself that you are doing the most practical, sensible thing in the circumstances. Avoid getting into discussions of what is right or wrong – just what ‘needs to be done’ and do it.

The Omissions and Commissions of Girls (Sorry…Women)


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BoysI had listened in on a chat session my daughter was having with her girlfriends and written about their comments in an earlier post – The Omissions and Commissions of Men. My son was not amused by the fact that I had chosen to carry a bunch of his sister’s friends’ comments on what was wrong with men. According to him, there was plenty that was wrong with girls, or young women. In fact, he promised to make me a list of over 100 points.

When (typically) this list was not forthcoming after many weeks, I finally ambushed three of his friends one day and asked them for clarity on what annoyed or upset them about young women. This is what I unearthed:

“Its most annoying when girls outperform boys at school and college and behave as if bookish knowledge is the best.” (Madhav) Yes, girls often do better than boys in school, college, or even in an office setting, where they may be more conscientious and focused. But to feel confident and not threatened by a girl’s ability, scholastic or otherwise, a man needs to feel that he is being appreciated as a whole, not just as a reflection of his mark sheet or appraisal report.

The Laundry Lists


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Laundry ListIt was their sixteenth fight since their wedding eight months ago. As Pradeep reached out to hug Nishi, trying to make up for their hot and angry words, to which he had contributed a fair share, she shrugged out and walked away. After that, she got busy in the kitchen. He knew just by watching the set of her shoulders that she would not speak to him for some time.

Shaking his head in frustration, he stepped out to buy some fruits, soap and eggs, then came back and wrote this note that he stuck with a pineapple shaped magnet on to their fridge.

“Sorry!” he wrote. “Have got the things you wanted. Just don’t make ‘dalia’ for breakfast and lunch again. I need a break from it for at least two months.”

By the time he had finished his bath, Nishi was choosing her clothes from the cupboard in their room. He passed her without a word. As he went towards the kitchen, he noticed her reply stuck on the fridge – written in a purple ink.

Sacrifice and Marriage


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Sacrifice and marriageGiving up something for a higher purpose is a concept that Indians find easy to accept because of the nature of our upbringing. Whether we have grown up with the ideal character of Rama or stories about the Prophet or Jesus, Indians tend to interpret sacrifice as an essential ingredient in becoming better human beings, or even, in carrying out our everyday tasks.

It is such a perception of giving up one’s personal pleasure for the good of the family or community that has made the Indian family stand solid for so long. While things may tumble and crumble for families in more developed countries, families in India have been more close-knit even in the face of consumerism and traditional values being challenged by globalization.

But will we remain close-knit and loyal, ready to sacrifice something for those we love? Only time will tell. Meanwhile, many couples have to struggle with their newly-wed relationship because one or both have many family pressures operating on them.

Public Places and Privacy


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Public Places and PrivacyA well-known joke repeated among Indian stand-up comics is that in the West, you can kiss in public, but you can’t piss. In India it is just the opposite – you can piss in public, but you can’t kiss. Moral standards and ideas of decency in our society have always demanded that affection between partners be reserved for the indoors, rather than be shown in full public view outdoors.

In fact, so strident has the moral policing become, in the name of ‘Indian values’ that police in small towns are shown on TV beating couples found in parks with lathis. They have opened themselves to such thrashing just by holding hands in public, or sitting too cosily together on a park bench. This increased intolerance for young couples to be seen together in public is a matter of distress to many young people.