Just because you’ve been married or living together for years doesn’t mean that the courtship is over. If your relationship needs a good jump-start, you should (both) read the following:

SPECIAL DATE NIGHTS

Remember what your early days of dating were like?—the planning, the surprises, the dressing up? At least once a month, set aside an evening or weekend that belongs to the two of you alone. No kids, no relatives, no co-workers or friends. Such mini-renewals keep your passion on the front burner, affirming on a continued basis that your soul has indeed found its twin.

Curiously, these ongoing “dates” serve a second important purpose: to take the “pressure of perfection” off the really big occasions in couple’s lives. For instance, how many partners have by and large ignored each other for 51 weeks, then taken off for an anniversary in the Hawaiian Islands…only to grouse at each other for seven days because of rainy weather, slow waiters, traffic, indigestion, or incompatible expectations?

Legend has it that Aphrodite the roman goddess of love had endowed the marjoram with this special spicy, woody fragrance to symbolize happiness. And this is the reason why the ancient Romans, who called this herb “the herb of happiness” used garlands made of this herb to adorn the heads of newly weds in order to usher in marital bliss. Our very own Kamasutra advocates the use of ittars and scents. While, the Vedas dedicate the entire Vajrakaran tantra to the use of aromatic oils.

Similar rituals and customs were prevalent in most ancient civilizations of the world. So, the connection between aromatherapy and marital bliss is as old and time-tested as the institution of marriage itself.

Do you remember that rush of adrenalin when the air was perfumed by the familiar fragrance of his cologne heralding his arrival? The knotting up of the nerves at the thought of that anticipated gentle touch on the nape of your neck and the headiness in his voice as he inhales the seductive fragrance of  the jasmine in your hair. Well that’s how strong an impact your sense can have on your love life. Aromas have the power to awaken emotions, desires and memories.

It was 4 a.m. Noting the time through sleepy eyes, Mona was relieved that she had another hour and a half of sleep at least before getting up. But woken up her husband Anoop, sleeping next to her. In twenty minutes, she heard him quietly change his clothes in the dark. “Taking him to the hospital?” she asked.

“Yes, he needs the nebulizer at least,” said Anoop. “I want to have him seen by the doctor before I leave for the day.” Then he was gone, and the bed seemed as bereft as her own heart. Another day, just like so many others, and this one hurt more because it had started a whole hour early.

Mona and Anoop had been married only two years, and her pain had nothing to do with her love for him growing less, or his love for her, either. It was just that living in a joint family with her mother and father-in-law, their baby son and Anoop’s brother Arun was such a taxing life – they hardly had a moment to spare for each other.

Not even two months into their marriage and he couldn’t understand what had got into her. All through the time they were courting, she had seemed like the quintessential woman-in-love – finding his least witticisms wildly funny, cherishing each romantic gesture he made, having a soft and silly expression on her face whenever she looked at him.

Now they were married, and the slightest thing led to acrimony and her taking offense, or his becoming so hurt by her stubbornness, that he could only lapse into an angry silence. She wanted to take the weekend off to visit an aunt in a nearby town.

“Whatever for? You never have shown the least attachment to this aunt. Now you want to go away for the whole weekend? I was planning so many things for us…” he said.

She was browsing the clothes shelves when she heard a male voice say, “I can’t stand synthetics. The merest mix makes me break out into a rash. Don’t you have this in pure cotton?” She didn’t look around, just thought to herself, ‘What a fussy guy! I can’t stand fussy types. My dream guy has to be someone easy-going, good-natured, not at all the picky pumpkin type.’

Later, as she stood in line to pay for what she had bought, she noticed a man with slightly long hair, attractive face and beard, standing before her in the queue. ‘His looks are quite wasted on him because he is so short,’ she thought to herself. ‘I can’t stand short guys – they have to try harder to impress, be more aggressive. My dream guy must be at least six feet tall.’