Arguments are evident in most relationships. Some people choose to avoid them at all costs, and never express their opinion. Others dominate an argument with insults and aggressive intimidation. These types of behavior can be detrimental to the relationship. But there is such a thing as healthy arguing. This takes practice and is a learned skill, but utilizing the techniques described in the article can make arguments much less painful, and infinitely more productive.

Conflicts can be scary and cause hostility, anger and resentment. Often yelling results. It is said that communication is inversely connected to the volume of the speaker ( i.e. the louder the speaker yells, the less is understood by the listener). With this in mind the following eight steps should be used in a quiet voice to enhance the effectiveness of your conflict management style.

Take responsibility for the problem. It may not be your fault, but if in your mind you take the blame, it is less likely the conflict will accelerate. People often feel defensive in conflicts, but if one individual is willing to approach the conflict with statements and attitudes that suggest responsibility the whole ordeal will move more smoothly. One way of accomplishing this is by using “I” statements. These statements are to replace “you” statements which cast blame on others.

The word, ‘abuse’ literally means, usage of words or actions to bad effect or for a bad purpose. But, in a broader sense, it not only means actions or words, but it can be relevant as silent manners of hurting a person.

“I feel really hurt when my husband keeps on repeating the same issues over and over again. Be it a simple matter or a major one, when it is told several times, I do feel abused”, says Leya who is a home-maker. Her problem is that her husband finds silly issues with all the household chores that she does. “Be it, cooking, cleaning or looking after my 2 yr. old, he’s got something to say about everything. There are times when I’ve felt that I need to just run out of the house, leaving everything as it is because I feel I’ve got no value in being there as a wife to my husband.”
 
Problems like the one mentioned above, are silent natures of being abusive. If we confront the man about this he’ll have thousands of reasons to defend what he does. He’ll even deny having abused his wife. Previously, abuse was thought of as actions which can only hurt the person physically or sexually. This is often accompanied with a terrible rage of anger too. But, I would say that, any act of trying to purposely hurt a person, is a form of abuse.

Everyone goes through hard times. If you are married, here are tips for encouraging your spouse when things are looking down.

For better or for worse in the marriage contract can mean many things. Sometimes we find ourselves facing difficult developments in a spouse’s condition or outlook. Since everyone is bound to get discouraged at some point, here are some tips to help a spouse through difficult times.

1. Be a patient listener. When someone we care about is suffering, we often want to jump in and make things right. But occasionally we just need to hear what a spouse has to say before taking any action at all. The gift of time spent listening with concern and support is a valuable gift indeed and can mean more than tangible rewards or cash offerings.

Marriages are under a severe strain today. If is it not high-pressured expectations at jobs, there is the ever-present temptation of cheating on your spouse in today’s socially-relaxed workplace. Or, accelerating financial demands might be taking its toll on you even as your kids clamour for the latest gadget in town. 

In this scenario, you wake up one morning to realize your marriage is in jeopardy, as the spouse sleeping next to you seems like a stranger-from-nowhere. Or worse, your spouse has stated his or her intention of walking out of a marriage that is not working for him or her.

Dr Lakshmi Vijayakumar, psychiatrist, head of the department of psychiatry in the Voluntary Health Services, Chennai provides healthy suggestions to reinvent your marriage and keep it going.

How many times have you heard this catch phrase - ‘Agree to disagree’? It usually comes at the tail end of an argument when one person irritated and frustrated that they cannot impose their point of view says “Cant we just agree to disagree?” Although in theory it is a good thing to be able to do; few people understand what it actually means to agree to disagree!

Agree to disagree does not mean that we just give up on an argument that we feel is important and then hold onto resentment, anger, irritation, frustration or pain because of it. It also doesn’t mean that we give in, say we are sorry, or feel that we have done something wrong in thought or action. It simply means that we understand we will be unable to see eye to eye and that it is okay to just disagree on certain things in life. The funny thing is that we are able to do this all the time with our friends, teachers, strangers - but are very rarely able to do it with our spouses or family. For some reason many of us are inflated with this idea that because we are married or because we are flesh and blood – we must agree on everything.