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What not to tell a guy you want to marry


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DatingIn beginning a dating relationship, it may take some time to get comfortable with the other person. But as you get acquainted, it is tempting to share deeply held secrets or private longings that you hope will bond the two of you.

Be careful! Confessing secrets or expressing desires too early in a relationship can frighten the most grounded guy. Here are some of the scariest topics to avoid until the two of you have had time to get to know one another:

1. “I’m looking for a marriage partner.” Any version of this statement can be a real turn-off for many men. They often feel like a commodity in the marketplace that you’re checking out with a view to buying. Even if you do hope to marry in the next year or two, keep quiet about your plans until you find out whether this guy is the one. Even then, let him take the initiative in the commitment department. Many guys do not respect girls who take the lead, fearing her aggressiveness bodes ill for a long-term relationship.

Build a healthy bonding with your partner


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Healthy BondingEvery relationship demands a certain amount of bonding between the individuals. This is true in the case of family and friends. But the most demanding factor among the family relations is that between the husband and the wife. Two, totally different individuals take the pledge to live together and to be there for each other in all situations that each one goes through. This needs a lot of give and take too. Only when there is a good rapport between the husband and the wife, can there be bonding too.

“In today’s busy world, where both the husband and the wife are working, we hardly find time to spend with each other”, says Vishal. “There was a time when my wife, Rupali and I could only meet at one of the airports, where we would be crossing paths because that was the only few hours we could actually meet each other in between our hectic schedules of official tours.” Situations like this can actually take a huge toll on the relationship. These situations are unavoidable at times but we should keep in mind that, the time spent with each other is very important in making the bonding more stronger.

Healing a broken heart


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Relationship break-upThe effect of a break-up between a man and a woman can be equated to a “loss” in one’s life. A person’s sense of belonging has severed - the fundamental bridge which connects two people – trust - has broken.

This has long-term repercussions on a person as one loses a sense of trust in others, an essential part of any relationship. If this remains unresolved, the person could turn into a distrustful person for life, caution Chennai-based counsellors.

Moreover, the insecurity level in the person who is “dumped” is high. They go through a terrible sense of low esteem, questioning one’s self-worth, dislike themselves and imagine a cruel prank is played on them.

Says Dr Abilasha, Chennai-based psychologist, an MSc practising for eight years, “The initial reaction is to block it all out. Their thinking capacity stops, they don’t want to live the reality and believe someone is playing a prank.”

Communication and commitment in married life


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CoupleA marriage counselor once said - Marriage is the commitment that two individuals promise to one another and the trust they repose on each other. Where there is commitment there is love and respect.

Commitment and Trust are the two pillars of the institution called marriage. To be committed you need to trust. Trustworthiness happens only when there is honesty.. Honesty implies integrity of character.

To be honest you need to be transparent. In other words, you need to bare your soul to your partner. There is no room here for sifting and talking. You will have to talk and thrash out issues to emerge stronger. If there are hidden depths in the marriage it leads to distrust and insecurity. Insecurity breeds lack of commitment.

How to get along with you mother-in-law


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Mother-in Law‘As If and if only’ (As if - is for the possibility of getting along with her. If only – is, there have been innumerable suggestions given on perfecting the balancing act and yet there is need for more…). That’s a ‘big IF’, mind you on both counts. World over if at all there is unity among women it is about ‘the m-in-law’ factor. It is the bane of every woman who sees her macho male go putty in his mommy’s hands much to our dismay. For the mother (in law) it is her ultimate achievement, her crowning glory to be in control of her son. She knows to push his buttons and that necessarily need not be in favor to you. So how to win over this matron (some would call her the wicked witch! I wouldn’t go that far, because I too have a son!)

First and foremost, don’t get into the marriage with any preconceived notions. Bias is very often the culprit for souring relationships. Keep an open mind.

When talking to your m-i-l dear, approach her with kindness. Empathy goes a long way in softening even the strongest of hearts. After all, she too has been a d-i-l once. Having said that, this does not mean you are a door mat. You need to look after your self esteem too.